early Monday morning thoughts and prayer

It's 5:15 am and I am in front of the computer. Why? Because it's quiet in the house at this hour. Quiet is sometimes hard to find around here. We don't have kids, so I can't blame them. See, our house is small, and our computer literally sits next to the TV. Right next to it. And if my husband is conscious, the TV is on. Even if he isn't really watching it.

I don't do this. If I have something I want to watch, I sit down and watch it. Otherwise the TV is off because it is way too distracting. I have a one track mind, and the bright moving pictures and babble are compelling, even if I am not interested in what is being said.

Another reason I am up early to write is guilt. I have been spending a lot of time on this computer writing lately. And I feel guilty. James spends all day here alone, then I come home and sit down at the computer and try to focus. This means ignoring him.

If you don't know us you may be wondering why James spends all day alone. What about a job? Doesn't he see people when he goes to work? There is a story there, and I want to tell it. But not today. I don't have that much time this morning. That's definitely a weekend post. Or 2. Plus, I want his permission since it's his story. The short answer is that his job is managing my mom's storage rental business and taking care of her property. And this job doesn't really involve a paycheck, per say. Another story. I promise to write it soon. And get permission to share.

Anyway, I am up early and my husband is heavy on my mind at heart. He did the sweetest thing when he came to bed this morning. Yes, this morning. He doesn't sleep much. This may not have been his first trip to bed, I could have slept through 15 attempts at sleep. I sleep hard, he barely sleeps. Anyway....this time when he crawled into bed he reached out and placed his hand on my arm and prayed for me. Not out loud. But after 20 years of marriage, I know his prayer when I feel it. And right now I feel covered in grace. And love. That's a pretty great way to start a Monday.

Lord, be with James today. Pour blessings and mercy over his heart and soul. Draw him close to your side and protect him from harm. Thank you, Father, for bringing this man in to my life, for making him my helpmate, lover, and friend. I would also ask a special blessing on all who come visit here today and read these words. Meet whatever needs they have buried in their hearts, bless their families and all the work of their hands. Thank you for the potential for a beautiful, busy day. Thank you for loving us all. Amen

My helper this morning. Silly girl. :)

Sunday thoughts and some pictures

Last Sunday I started something that I would really like to see become a habit. I am going to call it "Sunday thoughts". Basically this is going to be a wrap up of the previous weeks inspiration. Pictures, quotes, other blogs, anything I saw that inspired me, made me think, laugh, smile, or cry I want to share with you. I hope this is a habit I can stick to and that it will be a blessing to you.

I found 2 blog posts today that really touched my heart. The first is written by Trinka Polite and is titled Breathe...
 I hope you will click the link and read the whole thing, but I want to share my favorite line:

My other grandmother told me that’s how I came to be. 
God took my body and in it He breathed.   
So when you inhale and exhale notice your breath 
and realize God is dwelling in your chest.

God is dwelling in my chest. The gift of life is so precious and is something I tend to take for granted. I really want to remember to just slow down and breath.

The second blog I wanted to share is written by Ashley McKenney and is titled Come Away with Me (as NJ says) 

Please click the link. This blog is full of some really beautiful images. And Ashley has some really good insight into finding balance between being a parent and being a person. I think a lot of my "mommy" and "daddy" friends will appreciate her words.
  

Now, can I share with you some pictures from my phone?
Of course I can, cause it's my blog!

 Yesterday we were out at my mom's place and while my hubby worked, I wandered around taking pictures. I do this a lot and my mom just shakes her head at me. She doesn't get it. :-)
I love this place. I was raised here and one day I want to move back, if my stubborn parent will permit it. 
I love this image, the contrast of colors just speaks to my heart. God made this simple thing and created it with so much care and beauty. It blesses me.

This is my sweet husband mowing on the tractor. He really got a lot more than he bargained for when he fell in love with me, because I am a complete momma's girl. He will never escape my never ending drive to be there for mom. And he takes it in stride. Sometimes I think he loves her more than I do. He is a great helpmate and son in law. 

I saved this screen shot of a text message between me and my hubby a while back. It makes me smile every time I stumble across it. He really gets me. Route 44 Sonic drinks are a great weakness of mine, I can't pass one without wanting to stop. He gets that. He gets me. How awesome is that? 

 This is one of my many fur babies, Tom-Tom.
Isn't he beautiful? 

Here are a few quotes I picked up around the web this week:

 "I start in the middle of a sentence and move both directions at once." -John Coltrane 

"People who make you laugh are the best people in the world" -Emma White

 "In war, there are no unwounded soldiers" -Jose Narosky

"If we learn to be amazed at what God has done and is doing in our lives, we will never be without hope" -Joyce Meyer

and my favorite this week:

"Follow me and I will make you fishers of the human soul" -Jesus Christ

(from "The Book of God" which is the Bible written as a novel. I love this spin on the traditional "fishers of men")

The last thing I want to share I got from a Facebook friend. I won't use her name here, to protect her privacy. But I just had to share her thoughts with you. If you are a "facebooker" you know that during the month of November a lot of folks try to post a daily thankfulness thought. I saw tons today about being grateful for our Veterans (it's Veterans Day today) and that is wonderful. We should all always be grateful for those who put their lives on the line for our freedom. But my friend had something a little different to say:

 

DAY 11: I guess I could take the easy way out and say I am thankful for our vets and I am but instead I want to say today I am thankful for all the people who love them and are left behind to worry about them...I am thankful for the ones they come home to ... more times than not the vet that comes home is not the same person that left.. these people have to stay strong and learn to love all over again sometimes a whole new person..so thank you family and loved ones you are also my heroes

(beautiful!!)

okay, that's it for this Sunday. I hope that something here has blessed you, inspired you, made you think, or just made you smile. God bless!

Glass

I love the song "Glass" by Thompson Square

I have listened to it over and over this week. It has been another hard week for me, I had a bad panic attack on Wednesday (see my post in thursday thankfulness for more on that). I love the entire song, but my favorite line is

"We are fragile, we are human

We are shaped by the light we let through us"

By the light we LET through us. I have felt very fragile this week. Very human. And it would be very easy to let that overwhelm me, to pull the shutters over my heart and let my world become very dark. But we are called to rise above ourselves. To let His light shine through us. Even when all I want is to hide away and cry. I am not perfect. I am not not even close. But I am forgiven. God's light lives in me. I hope and pray that you can see it.

Manna from Heaven

I think I may have mentioned before how I love to listen to audio books. This week I started listening to one I had heard before years ago, "The Book of God" by Walter Wangerin Jr. It is the bible, written as a novel. If you have never read it, I highly recommend it. It is written in such a way that truly brings the people alive in your mind. It really brings the truth of the word and the fragility of the human mind and spirit into sharp focus for me, reminding me that what was true all those years ago is still true today. Humans are weak, we stray from God and fall away. God is faithful and forgiving, picking us up, dusting us off, and returning us to the path again and again.

The story of the Israelites wandering the desert caught my attention this week and has not left me alone. Specially, how God provided Manna for their daily needs. (Exodus Chapter 16) They were so ungrateful! God has just picked them up out of bondage, overcome their captors, pushed back the red sea and is leading them through the desert to the promised land. When they begin to complain about hunger, God feeds them with bread from heaven! Can you imagine it?!? Food raining down from the sky. All they have to do is go outside and pick it up. That's it. No hunting, not plowing land or harvesting crops. No work involved at all. But before long the people get tired of this miracle and it seemed to them to be not so miraculous anymore. How horrible, how childish, how completely ungrateful! It seems to me that God's chosen people are spoiled brats!

hmmmmm.....

I think maybe I just described myself. 

I am not rich. I don't live in a big, beautiful home or wear designer fashions. By American standards of living I am poor. But when I am hungry there is food in the kitchen. When I am hot I turn down the air conditioning, when I am cold (which is almost never) I turn on the heat. I have a job, and good health insurance. I have a flat screen TV, an mp3 player, books to read, a phone to call or text a friend. I have a car to drive, and my husband has a truck. I could go on and on. I am literally covered up in blessings, my own personal manna from heaven. How often do I truly appreciate it? More often than not I am not looking at what I have, but what I want.

Sounds like I have a lot more in common with the Israelites than I might want to admit.....

Father, forgive me for ignoring all the blessings that surround me. My eyes are blinded, and all I can see is my lack. But you have blessed me with the riches of this land, and so much more importantly, with the unending mercy and grace of your love. Move my heart to better appreciate my blessings and to use those blessings to your glory. Thank you for all that you have given. All that you have sacrificed for me. I love you Lord. My love is a feeble thing by comparison with yours, but it is the deepest and most powerful gift I possess. It is yours, take it and use it daily.

Inspiration

So this morning I woke up wanting to write SOMETHING. Problem is, I had no inspiration. There is nothing particular on my mind, no driving need or urge for a specific message. As I have mentioned before, this only works for me if I feel God's guidance in the process. I am not a writer. I can barely speak a coherent sentence in a conversation, much less put something meaningful on paper (or in this case, a computer screen).

I should tell you that I went directly to my bible looking for guidance. But that would be a lie. First, I procrastinated a bit by calling my sister to chat. Then I wandered over to Facebook and commented on a few posts and pictures. After Facebook, I decided to check out a few blogs that I follow. And there it was, my inspiration. Karen Walrond writes a blog called "Choolooloonks" and I love it. She takes the most amazing pictures of the everyday things and she always says something that makes me think.The blog I read today was titled "focusing and daring greatly". Yeah, I needed that. In it she shares about her excitement and fears concerning a new venture and how she tends to fall back on the coping mechanism of focusing on one aspect at a time instead of the big picture. Then she asks the question,

 how do you make yourself do something that you're scared to do?


Well, how do I make myself do something that I am scared to do???

Most of my life I have played it safe, especially where my faith is concerned. For years I went to church every time the doors opened, sat in the back, and listened to the message. I was saved, but I wasn't growing. I wasn't stretching my faith or seeking new and deeper insight in my walk with God. Heck, I wasn't even walking with Him, he was carrying me the way a parent carries a small child whose legs are too short to keep pace. I read the bible, I could quote scripture. But that isn't enough, and eventually I started missing church and thinking it was okay, they wouldn't miss me (after all, all I did was warm a pew). Truth is, most of the people probably didn't miss me, cause I was just taking up space.

God missed me though. He had been missing me for a while. It took almost 6 years for him to break through my defenses (I am nothing if not stubborn) and reach my heart. He knows me well, so he didn't waste a lot of time with sweet talk. He grabbed my by my shoulders and shook me and said, Come on girl! I created you for MORE. You might think you are not important in this world, but I say you are. If you believe in me, you have to get up and follow me!

Okay, before you start thinking I need to up my meds, he didn't literally shake me, there was no burning bush or angel or anything so dramatic, But he did speak to my heart. If you have ever felt the presence of God, you know exactly what I mean. For me it is a knowing, a certainty in my spirit. A force too strong to be ignored or put off.  

Do this thing I have asked and trust me with it's outcome.  Okay Lord. I will. I will start a prayer group on Facebook and revive the one at work. I will go back to church and volunteer to sing with the praise group and yes, I will even start a blog. I will trust you to move hearts, open doors, make the way. I will learn to listen for your voice, not just in the bible, but in the world. I will look for all the inspiration you have placed in my path and be mindful of my step.

So, how do I make myself do something that I am scared to do? I trust God. I listen to him and I trust that no matter the outcome, he is in control. He is my inspiration...


 here is a link to Karen's blog, just in case you are interested: Focusing and daring greatly-wildly convinced you're uncommonly beautiful

Why?

Why am I doing this?

 I have never seen myself as a writer. I actually have a friend who is a published author, he writes fantasy novels and is quite good. I could never do that. So, why am I doing this?

I guess because I feel drawn to it. Sometimes when I see something or hear something I just feel the pull to write down how it feels to me. If something (or someone) inspires me, I want to make that moment last.

 Make it somehow permanent.

Sometimes, I sit at a computer keyboard and the words just pour out. Not always, in fact, not most of the time. But sometimes. And those times are incredible. I can't describe the wonder in reading something that you wrote and thinking, where did that come from?

Truth is, I know the answer...When people have commented on something I wrote I always say it was God. And it is. Because I know I have no talent in this direction. None at all. So when those moments come, I want to hang on to them with all I have in me, because I feel closer to Him at that moment than any other.

I guess that does answer my question....... :)


Thank you Lord, for directing my heart and mind, for giving me the thoughts and words that may touch another spirit and draw them into a closer relationship with you. Thank you for drawing me closer to you. This blog may never be read by another soul, and that's okay. Maybe this is all about you and me. I don't know where you are leading me, but I am going to do my best to follow and trust you. I know there will be times that I will stray from your path. Please, take my hand and lead me back to it with patience and purpose. I recognize that I need you, I am completely and totally dependent upon you. That dependence is a gift, help me to remember that. I love you Father, thank you for loving me.

Captured

How great You are, how small I am

How awesome is Your mighty hand

And I am captured by the wonder of it all.

That is the chorus to the song "How Great You Are" by Phillips, Craig, and Dean.
I can't seem to get it out of my head, or maybe my heart. Am I truly captured? So many things compete for my attention everyday. Life is so full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, frustrations and stress. And it seems that the frustration and stress are the things that really capture my focus and attention. Why do I let that happen? Because despite what I tell myself, it is a choice I make everyday. I choose to be caught up in either God's joy and purpose or I choose to be caught up in the world and it's frustration, stress, and negativity.

The world requires so much from us, it seems to drive us to perfection, and when we don't reach it, we are left feeling empty and hurt. God requires only one thing from us, love. Because if we love him, truly love him; the rest will follow. We will be captured by all the wonder around us. I want to walk in that wonder. I want to be captured today by God's grace and love, not by the stresses of my daily life.

Lord, 

Walk with me today. I have great intentions, but I am weak. I know that it will only take a second to distract me from the path you have put before me. When this happens, recapture my attention and draw my focus back to you. I love you Father, and I am grateful beyond words for your forgiveness and acceptance of me, just as I am. I am so small and you are so great, and yet you do know my name. You know so much more of me than I even know myself, and you still love me. Thank you for that miracle of love.

 Amen

one of THOSE days

Yesterday was definitely one of those days. You know, the kind where you wake up with a light heart and you feel like you could take on the world because you KNOW that God has your back. I felt so close to him.

 I have the luxury of being able to listen to audiobooks or music while I work (on headphones) and I was in such a great mood, I chose praise and worship music. And it felt like every song I listened to had something in it just for me. Have you ever felt that? It is such an incredible feeling. I kept rewinding the songs to listen again, thinking how awesome each one was and how reflected just how I was feeling. I was so upbeat as I took a few minutes to send out prayer requests to our prayer group, I even found the perfect scripture to capture the moment:

  "You have rescued me! I will celebrate and shout, singing praises to you with all my heart." Psalm 71:23 

Perfect, right?!?! And I just kept thinking what a great day this was shaping up to be. All of this happened within the first 3 hours of my workday. After that, it all went downhill. Too much work, not enough people to shoulder the load, and too many things going on led to a very stressful and frustrating conclusion. I was so down by the time 3:30 came (well 3:45 really 'cause I was running late) I couldn't wait to escape.In the back of my mind I kept thinking, what the hell happened???? (sorry if the language offends, yes this christian cusses)

Finally it dawned on me, life happened. I have heard it said so often, God doesn't promise sunshine and rainbows, he promises to walk through the rain with you. Somehow, I always associate that thought with the really bad times. You know, illness, financial problems, big bad things that we all like to pretend only happen other people. I picture thunderstorms with lightening flashing all around, hurricanes or tornadoes with strong winds that push and pull at my soul. But sometimes all it takes is a brief downpour to throw us off track. And God is always there. He didn't leave me, I left him. I let the confusion and stress of the moment block my view of his face. But he always had his eyes on me. He was waiting, just waiting for me to reconnect with him; to see that he had his arms outstretched, ready to comfort and sooth my soul. Ready to put me back on the path and restore my gladness.

  Do you see? Do you see him waiting? I do. 

One of the songs I love! Always speaks to my heart :)

 

Blessed

So I am at work this morning and I got some news that I can't share but it really affected my out look on my world. And you know what I realize? I am so blessed. I have had the same job for 16 years. It isn't fancy or life changing. It doesn't pay the big bucks, in fact I live pretty much paycheck to paycheck. But as I look around I can't help but feel so overwhelmed by the friendships and respect I have found here. I have always known that God led me here, I just never really understood why. Lately I have come to think that maybe he led me here simply to be. To be in a place where I can connect with other people and share my faith. A place where I can look around and see this person or that person and think how incredible they are and how much I wish God's blessings on them. Maybe I am here to learn to see these people and my own life through God's eyes. We all tend to think that if we are not out changing the world that we are somehow a failure, if we don't have the fancy degree or make loads of cash that we are beneath notice. We are NEVER beneath the notice of the one who created us. And we can and do change the world, just by being in it. By living where God has placed us and loving the people he has placed there beside us. And recognizing every now and then the wonder of it all. Wow, I really am so blessed!