My first dream is for my sweet hubby to be pain free. He has been dealing with chronic pain from a neck injury for almost his entire adult life. He was a volunteer firefighter in our little town and a house caved in on him. They got him out and at first everything seemed okay. Bumps and bruises and really, really sore for a while, but nothing too extreme. But over time it became obvious there was something wrong. He had suffered nerve damage and a herniated disc in his neck. We took the doctor's advice and he had surgery. Biggest mistake of our lives. Of course we were young and frightened and didn't know enough about dealing with doctors and such. We learned. 16 years and 3 surgeries later we are more cautious. Right now he is having to live on pain meds, balancing everything in his life on the next dose of medication. And we are considering another surgery. But the truth is, that probably won't help the pain. The nerves are damaged and they may never recover. And he has developed spinal stenosis and degenerative disc problems (the unmentioned side effects of back/neck surgery). All I want is for him to not be limited and held back by this pain. All I want is for him to get a good nights sleep, to feel refreshed, to feel energized. All I want is a miracle.
Dream #2 is probably something on everyone's bucket list. I want to travel. My grandparents visited all 50 states in their lifetimes, I would love to do that. This seems an impossible dream considering our finances, our house full of furry babies, and all the trials of traveling in constant pain (how could I ask him to do that??) But dreams are just that sometimes, impossible. And even impossible dreams are worth dreaming.
Dream #3 is much closer to home, and at the moment, just as impossible. I want to move back home. Not into my mother's house (Good Lord NO!) but onto her property. See, I am her only child and my step dad made darn sure I knew my responsibilities. "One day it will be just you and your mom, you have to take care of her". Well, he was almost right. He is gone (passed away 10 years ago this week) and it is just us.....and my dear hubby who does so much for my mom. He makes it possible for me not to worry so much about her. Still, it would be better if we could be closer. She has 40 acres of property and being right there would make it so much easier for the hubby to help keep the place in good repair (my step dad would roll over in his grave to see the state of things out there these days). And I wouldn't have to worry. But mom is very independent and not ready for this. So, we are stuck. At least for now.
Well, that wasn't too bad. I wrote 3 dreams and put them in a jar, and didn't have to break out the anxiety meds (yet). Dreams are prayers, you know. At least that's how I see them. A dream is a prayer to God, it is your deep desires made manifest to the Father. I think the reason I fear them is simply because I am afraid of His answer. Afraid to ask and look for the answer. Afraid the answer will be "no".
Okay! That's enough self therapy and examination for one morning! Go check out my Thursday Thankfulness for the latest post and have a great day! :-)