okay, so yesterday did not go well. I tried, I really did. I went to work and tried to just let go of the growing anxiety in my heart. But it just kept building and building until I just fell apart. I am very blessed with a management team that knows of my issues and is very supportive of me. I went to one of those wonderful people and he let me into the conference room, a nice quiet corner of the building that was not being used. A good place for me to try to pull it together. I tell you, these are awesome people. They don't ask questions, they may think I am crazy (I am) but they take it in stride. They just help me find a quiet out of the way place and leave me to sort myself out.
So, step one, find a quiet out of the way place to melt down. Check.
Step two, call my husband. He has a way of calming me. Probably because he has known me so long and so well. He is pretty adept at handling my brand of crazy. He was busy with something when he answered the phone, I could tell by his tone. But as soon as he realized what was happening he switched gears, dropping everything to focus on calming me. We talked for awhile, until the tears stopped. We decided I needed to come home. Okay. Now all I needed to do was find the courage to leave the room.......
Obviously I did manage that one. I gathered my stuff, scared the heck out of one of my newer coworkers, and headed for the door. On the drive home I needed distracting (or I would have ended up sitting on the side of the road) so I called a friend. When she answered I told her briefly what happened and that I just needed her to talk to me. So she did. She is awesome like that.
Step three, make it home in one piece. Check.
So, here I sit. It's Thursday and I should be at work. I'm not. It's safe here and I don't want to leave. I am embarrassed by my breakdown and I don't want to face my coworkers yet (ever). Don't get me wrong, I know I have to. And really, this is a mild breakdown when compared to some of my past malfunctions. I survived those. I can survive this. It's just that this is my first anxiety attack with my new work group. My old team, we had been together for years. They were used to me. My tears and panic didn't scare them (much). This new group is different. Now I have to go in and explain myself, make eye contact. Find a way past this.
This is so much easier than that. Here in the blogosphere I don't have to make eye contact. Here I can confess my craziness and ramble endlessly about trying to cope without having to endure the pity and fear in eyes I can't quite meet.
Showing posts with label Thursday Thankfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thursday Thankfulness. Show all posts
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Comfort, Kleenex, and Prayer
Thursday, May 16, 2013
What do you do to give comfort to others?
I really don't consider myself a good comforter. I very seldom find the right words to say and I am an awkward hugger. I am quick with the Kleenex though. Show me some tears and I will find you a tissue!
Tissue and prayer, that is what I give. Somehow, offering prayer never seems to be enough, when in fact it is the best and strongest thing we give. Have you ever said to someone "all we can do is pray"? Why do we do that? Use prayer as the fall back, the last resort. It is in fact the strongest weapon in our arsenal! Prayer changes things, it changes people. It changes YOU. It can be the ultimate in comfort.
At this very moment I know people who are going through overwhelming struggles, life altering battles that I cannot even imagine. Things that a tissue can't fix. But my prayers can. Reaching out to our Father, sharing the worries and concerns of our heart and asking for His presence in the midst can make all the difference.
Father,
There are people and situations on my heart right now that I can't share in this public space, but you know them. You know the deepest worries, the darkest fears. The life and death struggles that are taking place in the lives of people that I love. Please Lord, be with them all. Be in the midst. Be the comforter that I can never be. Pour your strength and healing and overwhelming love into each life. Heal bodies, deliver souls. Make a way through what seems to be impossible. Thank you for hearing my prayer, for hearing all of our prayers, the cries of your children never go unheard. I love you Father. Amen
Don't forget to click over to Thursday Thankfulness and check out my gratitude post! :)
What do you do to give comfort to others?
I really don't consider myself a good comforter. I very seldom find the right words to say and I am an awkward hugger. I am quick with the Kleenex though. Show me some tears and I will find you a tissue!
Tissue and prayer, that is what I give. Somehow, offering prayer never seems to be enough, when in fact it is the best and strongest thing we give. Have you ever said to someone "all we can do is pray"? Why do we do that? Use prayer as the fall back, the last resort. It is in fact the strongest weapon in our arsenal! Prayer changes things, it changes people. It changes YOU. It can be the ultimate in comfort.
At this very moment I know people who are going through overwhelming struggles, life altering battles that I cannot even imagine. Things that a tissue can't fix. But my prayers can. Reaching out to our Father, sharing the worries and concerns of our heart and asking for His presence in the midst can make all the difference.
Father,
There are people and situations on my heart right now that I can't share in this public space, but you know them. You know the deepest worries, the darkest fears. The life and death struggles that are taking place in the lives of people that I love. Please Lord, be with them all. Be in the midst. Be the comforter that I can never be. Pour your strength and healing and overwhelming love into each life. Heal bodies, deliver souls. Make a way through what seems to be impossible. Thank you for hearing my prayer, for hearing all of our prayers, the cries of your children never go unheard. I love you Father. Amen
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| One of my favorites |
Don't forget to click over to Thursday Thankfulness and check out my gratitude post! :)
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Comfort Music
Thursday, May 9, 2013
What song do you play to bring yourself comfort?
Well, I don't have a particular song, or even a particular type of music. Sometimes I like rock, sometimes country, sometimes contemporary christian, sometimes jazz. Honestly, I think I get more comfort from listening to a good audiobook. Right now I am listening to "The Host" on my mp3 player. I have only recently completed reading the paperback and really enjoyed it. I think I am enjoying the audio even more. Listening to the story brings the characters alive and losing myself in their words and thoughts almost always calms my mind and comforts my spirit.
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| LOL! |
While you are here, click on over to Thursday Thankfulness and see what I am thankful for this week!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Thirty Days of Truth: Day 4
Day 04. Something you have to forgive someone for.
See, here is my problem. I am too forgiving. It takes a lot to make me hold a grudge. My husband actually gets mad at me for this character flaw, because I tend to let people walk all over me. I often joke that I wake up in a new world everyday. Yesterday's anger and hurt are a vague memory. Even deep hurts don't last too long, a few weeks, maybe a month, and I am ready to move on.
However, there is one thing you can do that will make it very easy for me to hold a grudge. Hurt someone I love. There are a few people in this world who have found themselves on my grudge list over the years. People who should have protected the children in their care, who should have seen and understood the hurt that they were causing. A life long hurt, a hardening of tender hearts. Lord help me, this is something I may never be able to forgive. I understand I should, but at this moment the best I can do is to put it away.
I don't play with my anger, I don't savor it. I do try to move beyond it, to leave it packed away in the closet of my mind. But I also can't quite let it go. Because I see first hand the long term damage that had been done to someone I care deeply for. And I see that the person who inflicted that damage has no remorse for their actions. How can I forgive when they can't even see what they have done?
Okay, that's enough of that! I will get myself all worked up and ready for battle if we stay on this subject!!
In other news, my dad is safely home from the hospital and doing well. I spoke to him last night and he sounded like his old self. :)
Don't forget to check out my Thursday Thankfulness post today. I warn you it is a bit controversial and it may offend some folks. But it's important to take a stand some times, to speak up and be heard. You never know who might here your voice and be forever changed.
On that note I will leave you to decide if you want to click the link. I hope you do. Regardless, have a great day! Go be a blessing to the world around you!
See, here is my problem. I am too forgiving. It takes a lot to make me hold a grudge. My husband actually gets mad at me for this character flaw, because I tend to let people walk all over me. I often joke that I wake up in a new world everyday. Yesterday's anger and hurt are a vague memory. Even deep hurts don't last too long, a few weeks, maybe a month, and I am ready to move on.
However, there is one thing you can do that will make it very easy for me to hold a grudge. Hurt someone I love. There are a few people in this world who have found themselves on my grudge list over the years. People who should have protected the children in their care, who should have seen and understood the hurt that they were causing. A life long hurt, a hardening of tender hearts. Lord help me, this is something I may never be able to forgive. I understand I should, but at this moment the best I can do is to put it away.
I don't play with my anger, I don't savor it. I do try to move beyond it, to leave it packed away in the closet of my mind. But I also can't quite let it go. Because I see first hand the long term damage that had been done to someone I care deeply for. And I see that the person who inflicted that damage has no remorse for their actions. How can I forgive when they can't even see what they have done?
Okay, that's enough of that! I will get myself all worked up and ready for battle if we stay on this subject!!
In other news, my dad is safely home from the hospital and doing well. I spoke to him last night and he sounded like his old self. :)
Don't forget to check out my Thursday Thankfulness post today. I warn you it is a bit controversial and it may offend some folks. But it's important to take a stand some times, to speak up and be heard. You never know who might here your voice and be forever changed.
On that note I will leave you to decide if you want to click the link. I hope you do. Regardless, have a great day! Go be a blessing to the world around you!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
GBE2 prompt: Gusto
Yeah, this has not been my week for Gusto. I haven't even posted here since Monday. I won't say I have writer's block. I would call it writer's blah. Every time I even think about writing all the energy just drains away and I have nothing worthwhile to say. But this morning I had to write. I had to do my Thursday Thankfulness post. I suppose I could have skipped it, but I hate to start down that road. You miss one week, then 2, and before you know it you aren't posting at all. And those gratitude posts really help me. It helps to stop and focus, to look around at my life and really consider what I have been blessed with.
So, I wrote my post. You can see it here. And you know what? I feel a bit better for it. I won't say I am full of Gusto, but I am a bit more alive. A bit more aware. And a bit more engaged. Not so blah.
God is good. He has given me this new day full of new blessings and challenges. And he has given me all the tools I will need to face them. Sometimes I forget that. Thank God that he is much more faithful than I am. One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11.
So, I wrote my post. You can see it here. And you know what? I feel a bit better for it. I won't say I am full of Gusto, but I am a bit more alive. A bit more aware. And a bit more engaged. Not so blah.
God is good. He has given me this new day full of new blessings and challenges. And he has given me all the tools I will need to face them. Sometimes I forget that. Thank God that he is much more faithful than I am. One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
God has plans for me and for you. He has hope and a future for us. To me that says he will bring me through the bad days and even the plain old blah days, which in a lot of ways are more detrimental because they eat away at your strength slowly. Those blah days have a way of creeping up on you and overtaking your heart before you even know what happened.
That perfectly describes my week. The blah was crept in and drained my gusto. Well, no more!! God has reminded me today that he has bigger plans for me!
Huh. This post went completely in a new direction. I wasn't headed here. I wasn't planning on talking myself into a better mood. Wasn't planning on clearing away the cobwebs and feeling so revived and energized. Funny how God works sometimes, isn't it?
I hope you have a great Thursday. Make the most of it, after all; it is a gift from the Father. And gifts are meant to be enjoyed. God Bless!
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| I needed this reminder. Maybe you do too? |
Thursday, January 17, 2013
no prompts today
I'm not even going to look. I don't really care.
I will give you this link: Does Air Exist?
I wrote yesterday's guest post. Basically it's the story of how I got saved and grounded from church all in the same day (I was 13 years old). It is an interesting story. I hope you can find the time to read it.
It's Thursday, so don't forget to click here to see what I am thankful for this week.
I will give you this link: Does Air Exist?
I wrote yesterday's guest post. Basically it's the story of how I got saved and grounded from church all in the same day (I was 13 years old). It is an interesting story. I hope you can find the time to read it.
It's Thursday, so don't forget to click here to see what I am thankful for this week.
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| love this image |
Thursday, November 22, 2012
It's Thursday and I'm thankful.......
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| Happy Thanksgiving!! |
I could give you a list of things that are bugging me. I could give you my sob story. but it's Thanksgiving and really, I want to be thankful. So I am going to count my blessings for just a minute, okay?
Here we go (in no particular order):
- I am alive an well
- My husband
- I am saved and forgiven
- My mom
- My dad
- My sisters
- My nieces and nephews and cousins
- my fur babies
- My aunts
- My job
- This blog
- All the blogs I have found since I started blogging
- My friends
- 4 day weekend
- Facebook, Twitter, and all the other social networking sites I have recently connected with
- NaBloPoMo
- Fanbolt and the reviews I have the chance to write
- My love of reading
- music
- audio books
- my computer
- The Falling Skies blog! :)
- TV shows that inspire my imagination and curiosity
- the memories of friends and family that have left this world
- you, for taking the time to read my list.
I hope you have a beautiful and blessed Thanksgiving. Thank you for stopping by to share a little bit of your day with me!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
It's Thursday and I'm Thankful......
Today I am thankful for thankfulness. For the attitude of gratitude. For the act of counting your blessings, naming them one by one (do you remember that children's song?).
It's November and if you are on Facebook much you may have noticed there is a lot of gratitude floating around out there. At least there is on my news feed. Lots of my friends and family sharing the things they are thankful for. And it just makes my heart smile.
I love reading the simple, the silly, and the serious gratitude statements. Friends who are grateful for parents and children, morning coffee and afternoon wine. I love how the act of giving thanks, of reading the thanksgiving of others can lift my spirits. So today I wanted to share with you some of my favorites from my news feed.
These are from my sister Dawn:
The following are from the 3 beautiful daughters of my friend Aimee. I have never met these girls, but I love them. I love the way their precious little minds and hearts see the world. (Alexandra is 6, Victoria is 4, and Francesca is 3)
As for myself, I am thankful for the chance to share the uniqueness and beauty of these ladies with you. I am grateful that through Facebook I can be blessed and uplifted by their words. It is an incredible gift, this ability to peek into the hearts and minds of people who have become so special to me. So, thank you Dawn, Aimee, and Veronica for giving your permission for me to borrow your words. And thank you for touching my heart. I love you all.
It's November and if you are on Facebook much you may have noticed there is a lot of gratitude floating around out there. At least there is on my news feed. Lots of my friends and family sharing the things they are thankful for. And it just makes my heart smile.
I love reading the simple, the silly, and the serious gratitude statements. Friends who are grateful for parents and children, morning coffee and afternoon wine. I love how the act of giving thanks, of reading the thanksgiving of others can lift my spirits. So today I wanted to share with you some of my favorites from my news feed.
These are from my sister Dawn:
- I am thankful for the time I had with my mom in the weeks before she passed away and thankful that I was able to be by her side holding her hand as she passed away. It took a long time for me to see the second part as a blessing but it honestly was.
- I am thankful for my bed! I've missed my bed since I got out of it this morning...thankfully it's about time we rekindle our relationship.
- I am thankful that my children live in a world where their future is determined more by their actions and decisions and less by the color of their skin, the way they look and their sexual orientation. They can be anything they want to be and I hope we are teaching them to chase their dreams and work hard for what they want.
The following are from the 3 beautiful daughters of my friend Aimee. I have never met these girls, but I love them. I love the way their precious little minds and hearts see the world. (Alexandra is 6, Victoria is 4, and Francesca is 3)
- Alexandra is thankful for:
- my brother, Joey
- the zoo
- I can read! :)
- Thanksgiving turkey
- Victoria is thankful for:
- Cinderella and Disney
- the color blue
- rose petals
- bells
- Francesca is thankful for:
- rainbows
- Christmas trees
- cows
- Momma
- I am thankful for difficult work because the difficulty brings growth and positive change. Without challenges the breaks could not fully be appreciated, and I do so appreciate the breaks. :)
- I am thankful for time. Time to learn and grow. Time to change and stay the same. Time to forgive and love. Time to remember and have peace. Time to be and appreciate. Time to be thankful for time.
- I am thankful for so many things. I would like to become thankful for everything, even those events in my life which make me scratch my head and wonder why. So tonight I am thankful for sadness that brings out the beauty of special friendships. :)
As for myself, I am thankful for the chance to share the uniqueness and beauty of these ladies with you. I am grateful that through Facebook I can be blessed and uplifted by their words. It is an incredible gift, this ability to peek into the hearts and minds of people who have become so special to me. So, thank you Dawn, Aimee, and Veronica for giving your permission for me to borrow your words. And thank you for touching my heart. I love you all.
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