Happy Birthday Becky

Becca,

Today would have been your Grandma Becky's 43rd birthday. Last year on this day I wrote a post dedicated to her. You were still growing in your mommy's tummy at the time, a thought more than a reality. When I go back and read that post I feel the sadness that I have always felt this time of year. This year is different, this year we have you. Yes, I am sad, but my sadness is less sharp. Thank you for that, baby girl. You have brought us so much joy and given my heart some peace. I am looking forward to watching you grow up, of sharing all your milestones, and teaching you about your Grandma and what an amazing woman she was!

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A few pictures of the birthday girl through the years

1973-age 2

Jr Prom 1988

1990- at the hospital with Mommy (Ashley)

Christmas 1996 with Aunt Laurie

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Happy Birthday Becky. I love you and miss you. You would be so very proud of your girls and your beautiful grandbaby. Rest in peace my friend.

singing a new song

**This is my first entry in what I hope will be a long series of posts to my "grandtoy", Becca. She is now 6 months old and starting to really get around. Her grandmother, Becky, was a dear friend of mine as well as being my husband's cousin. She died almost 15 years ago, but I know she watches over us and over Becca (who is named for her). I know there are so many things that Becky would have shared with little Becca if she had been given the chance. As her friend, I want to stand in for her, to make sure that Becca learns the really important stuff about life and her family. And since I know all too well that life is short and tricky, I wanted to write it all down "just in case". I also thought I might as well share them here. Who knows, someone else may find something of small value in these words. You never know, right? Anyway.....here we go!

_______________________________________

 Dear Becca,

I love to sing. I have for as long as I can remember. I took choir in school (with your Grandma Becky) instead of band (I think I may have been the only person in my class who never took a single year of band!) and even took private voice lessons for a while. But there was one problem, I have a powerful fear of being noticed, of standing out in the crowd.

I have lived my life as a wallflower. Always on the fringes, always looking for ways not to be noticed, because if you notice me, you might be a witness when I screw something up. And you very well might laugh at me and make me feel bad. Do you see the contradiction? Singing is all about drawing attention. It is loud and out there. It grabs your attention and says "look at me, hear my heart!". Hear my heart....no, I am pretty sure I don't want the world to hear some of the things I am hiding in there!

Over the course of my life singing went from a passion to something I did while driving down the road in the car or in an empty room. The only place I ever really let myself be heard was at church and that was from a pew way in the back!

It was that way for more years than I care to recall. But last year I felt God leading me to volunteer to help with my church's praise and worship group. I was nervous, but I found I could easily lose myself in the music. Over time, the nerves have almost completely vanished, leaving me feeling......free. For so many years I have hidden myself away, afraid to stand out, to be seen. Worrying about being foolish or making a mistake. That worry, that is the foolish thing. Life has too much to give for me to be hiding along the walls trying to go unnoticed! I want to be heard, I want to make a joyful noise (and noise it may well be!) and sing songs of praise and joy. I want the world and my Father in heaven to know my heart.

The lesson here, don't waste a lot of your energy on fear. If you want something, reach for it. Don't be afraid to fail. Everyone fails. It is part of the human experience and never something to be ashamed of. Rather, it is something to learn from, to grow from; failing can actually be a blessing, not a curse. It's all in how you handle it. This is a lesson that has taken me 42 years to learn and I sometimes have to be reminded of it daily. Take it from me precious girl, learn this lesson early and remind yourself often. Get it down in your spirit and let it take root. Failure is not to be feared and life is not to be lived on the sidelines!

Until next time and with all my love,

Tamara

Sweetest baby face

Isn't she the sweetest thing?? I  love this girl.

Sunday thoughts and snail mail

I almost let Sunday get away from me! If I don't do this first thing in the morning, it probably isn't going to happen most days. I just let myself get too distracted by other things and before I know it, it's time to start another day! But since I am participating in the 31 Days Challenge, I thought I better make the effort! :)

Today was actually a pretty good day, I woke up to cooler temperatures thanks to a nice cool front that blew in late the night before. Before church I went out to visit my grandtoy, Becca, and her mommy. Mommy is recovering from gallbladder surgery so she is staying with family until she has the all clear from the doctor to resume full-time baby duty. For me this means some extra snuggling time and I could not pass that up!

Isn't she the cutest thing!


After church I came back home and was very lazy. Well, I did manage to get my laundry done, but that's about it. And all the while I was thinking about this post and how I needed to sit down and do it. Have I mentioned before that I am a master procrastinator?? (They do say the first step to overcoming is admitting that you have a problem...)

It's really a good thing I already had an idea what I wanted to write about today: snail mail. See, two of my favorite bloggers wrote posts this week about the lost art of sending and receiving actual mail. You remember the stuff I'm talking about, right? Paper and pen. Sometime a pretty or funny card. Something personal written inside. That kind of thing. First I saw this post over at "My Antidepressant Life" about Reverse birthday letters. What is a reverse birthday letter? Well, basically instead of sitting around checking her mailbox for birthday cards every year, Jerimi writes letters to people who have touched her life in some way and sends them out on her birthday. One letter for each year of her life. Now, I won't tell you how many letters that is, but it's more than a handful. Needless to say, I was impressed and inspired by her post. And if I am honest, a little grateful my birthday had already passed!

But you want to know the best part? The very same day I read that post I got a letter in the mail from Jerimi! I felt so blessed and special, to think that she would take the time to write to me on her birthday! Later in the week I found another post along the same line at "Cathy's Voice Now". Her post is titled Save an empty mailbox. Cathy to is interested in recapturing the thrill of sending and receiving actual mail. At the end of her post she offered up a challenge to her readers to write a letter or send a card to someone special.


Both these ladies reminded me of a commitment I made at the first of the year to send out snail mail. I even wrote a post about it. And at first I did pretty well. But as with most of my plans, I hit a snag. Life got in the way and I started thinking "I'll do that next week". Well, I think it's next week. And I am going to write and send out some snail mail. What about you? Join the fun and send someone special a note or a card. I guarantee it will make their day!

Sunday thoughts

I'm sitting on my couch this afternoon with my headphones on, listening to Pandora Radio (praise and worship) and trying to get into the right mindset. I have all these random thoughts running around in my head and trying to work them into something coherent is turning out to be quite a chore! Nothing wants to settle, to sit still long enough for me to get on the screen. Where should I start?
Hmmmmm.......

Well, let's start with something easy, shall we? How about a recent picture of my precious grandtoy, Becca?

toes!!!!!

Can you believe she is 2 months old already? She is actually in town this weekend, but I can't see her since I still fighting off a sinus infection. Can't make the baby sick. :(

I have been going through a dry spell lately when it comes to blogging. I just haven't had anything to say that seemed to be of any value. With that in mind, I decided to join the 31 Days Challenge over at The Nesting Place. I'm hoping that this challenge will be a new beginning for me, a way to reconnect with the part of myself that started this blog. The idea of the challenge is to pick a topic and blog about it for 31 days straight. No writing prompts, it's all up to you. I have chosen to spent my 31 days looking at "faithfulness".

My button was made for me by my friend Jerimi.

There is this voice in my head that is screaming at me "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?!" I don't know voice, we will just have to see. "Faithfulness" is my "One Word" for 2013, so I thought it would be a great tie-in. A way to refocus on the things that matter most to me. I hope you will stop by and check it out.


Speaking of checking things out, I was taking a little time this morning to catch up on my blog reading and I stumbled across this gem over at Julie's Musings. It is titled "A Lousy Dilemma". Julie spoke to my heart with this one. She starts out telling a little story about a mom trying in vain to treat a persistent case of head lice that her daughter has and being embarrassed to ask for help. But then Julie turns our attention to the "spiritual lice" that we all try to hide.  I have a calling to prayer and manage 2 prayer groups, one on Facebook and one at work. And yet I too find myself hiding my deepest worries and concerns from my prayer partners. Why? Embarrassment, the fear of being judged? Yes. Absolutely. But are those good reasons? No, not really. We are not called to walk this road alone. We are called to lift each other up, to support each other. And the best support we can give is to pray, sincerely and honestly for others. And to allow them to pray for us. Julie's post illustrates this point simply and beautifully. I hope you will click on the link and read it for yourself. 

Well, I seem to have run out of things to say....

I guess that means I am done for today. Check back tomorrow for the first day of my 31 days. Yes, I know tomorrow is the 30th, but due to time zones and what not the challenge starts tomorrow night. So, I guess technically it is 32 days, huh?

Have a great week! 

Random inspiration

Absent without leave

Yeah, that's me. I only just realized that I basically abandoned my blog last week, I didn't even post Friday Funnies! I apologize to my faithful reader(s). I will do better.

In the meantime, how about a picture of my grandtoy, Becca? She is just a little over a month old now and starting to get really wiggly, so it is hard to get a clear picture of her!

Me and Becca

so sweet

baby toes!!

Oh, how I love this baby girl!

Loved

Yesterday started off with me losing first my cell phone and then my car keys. As a result, I was late to work,  a punishable offense if you are a repeat offender, which I have been known to be. Normally this would be the kind of thing that would color my whole day a dull gray. But lately I have been making the effort to redirect my focus when I start to get upset. I try to take a breath and remind myself that I am loved by the creator of all things. In the light of that love, lost phones and car keys are really unimportant.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't become Mother Teresa! I fussed at slow drivers who got in my way all the way to work yesterday. But when I pulled into the parking lot I took just a moment to ask God to guide me. And He did. Such a simple thing, I asked, He provided. It is a lesson that I am trying to remember.

I am loved. And so are you.

Praise Him wherever you are

I saw this a while back (probably on Facebook) and I saved it. Maybe someone out there needs this today.


Have a beautiful day! :)

A new addition!

So, I haven't been around much lately. Oh, I have been posting my Friday Funnies, but that's it. Nothing of an substance has proceeded from my heart into this little corner of cyberspace. I have started several posts, but none of them have felt right. So they sit in my drafts file, waiting for me to decide if they will be completed.

In the meantime, life goes on. My grandtoy was born last Wednesday. And what is a "grandtoy", you ask? Well, a grandtoy is what you get when your deceased best friend/husband's cousin's oldest daughter has her 1st child:

Meet little Ms. Rebecca, Becca for short. Technically she is my cousin. In my heart, she is something of a granddaughter, but I don't want to step on any toes by officially claiming that title. I am good with being whatever she wants, so long as I get to be in her life. Hence "grandtoy", a beautiful and loveable baby girl for me to spoil!


Just for fun (and because I am a photo hoarder who has collected all the family photos I can get my hands on) here is one of Grandma Becky with her mommy in 1971:

And here is Becky and Ashley (Becca's mommy) in 1990:

And so we come full circle:

Becky would be so proud! :)

Forever and ever my friend.