singing a new song

**This is my first entry in what I hope will be a long series of posts to my "grandtoy", Becca. She is now 6 months old and starting to really get around. Her grandmother, Becky, was a dear friend of mine as well as being my husband's cousin. She died almost 15 years ago, but I know she watches over us and over Becca (who is named for her). I know there are so many things that Becky would have shared with little Becca if she had been given the chance. As her friend, I want to stand in for her, to make sure that Becca learns the really important stuff about life and her family. And since I know all too well that life is short and tricky, I wanted to write it all down "just in case". I also thought I might as well share them here. Who knows, someone else may find something of small value in these words. You never know, right? Anyway.....here we go!

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 Dear Becca,

I love to sing. I have for as long as I can remember. I took choir in school (with your Grandma Becky) instead of band (I think I may have been the only person in my class who never took a single year of band!) and even took private voice lessons for a while. But there was one problem, I have a powerful fear of being noticed, of standing out in the crowd.

I have lived my life as a wallflower. Always on the fringes, always looking for ways not to be noticed, because if you notice me, you might be a witness when I screw something up. And you very well might laugh at me and make me feel bad. Do you see the contradiction? Singing is all about drawing attention. It is loud and out there. It grabs your attention and says "look at me, hear my heart!". Hear my heart....no, I am pretty sure I don't want the world to hear some of the things I am hiding in there!

Over the course of my life singing went from a passion to something I did while driving down the road in the car or in an empty room. The only place I ever really let myself be heard was at church and that was from a pew way in the back!

It was that way for more years than I care to recall. But last year I felt God leading me to volunteer to help with my church's praise and worship group. I was nervous, but I found I could easily lose myself in the music. Over time, the nerves have almost completely vanished, leaving me feeling......free. For so many years I have hidden myself away, afraid to stand out, to be seen. Worrying about being foolish or making a mistake. That worry, that is the foolish thing. Life has too much to give for me to be hiding along the walls trying to go unnoticed! I want to be heard, I want to make a joyful noise (and noise it may well be!) and sing songs of praise and joy. I want the world and my Father in heaven to know my heart.

The lesson here, don't waste a lot of your energy on fear. If you want something, reach for it. Don't be afraid to fail. Everyone fails. It is part of the human experience and never something to be ashamed of. Rather, it is something to learn from, to grow from; failing can actually be a blessing, not a curse. It's all in how you handle it. This is a lesson that has taken me 42 years to learn and I sometimes have to be reminded of it daily. Take it from me precious girl, learn this lesson early and remind yourself often. Get it down in your spirit and let it take root. Failure is not to be feared and life is not to be lived on the sidelines!

Until next time and with all my love,

Tamara

We are the body

Casting Crowns, If we are the Body. I love the message in this song. I think that all to often those of us who have the confidence of faith forget our true purpose here. We get so busy, so wrapped up in our own life and our own journey that we lose sight of all those around us who are desperately searching for someone to show them His love. To draw them into His healing embrace. This song is a beautiful reminder.

Music to energize

What is your favorite song that gives you energy?

That is the NaBloPoMo writing prompt for today. My answer? I don't know. I can't name just one song. I listen to Contemporary Christian and Country on a regular basis and there are lots of songs that uplift and energize me.

Lately I have been leaning more toward the Country music. I take spells like that, where I only want one type of music. I used to feel faintly guilty for my love of non christian music. Like if I wasn't listening to hymns I was headed straight to Hell.

Then last year I read "The Shack" (a really great book, by the way) and something in that book changed my attitude about my music choices. If you aren't familiar with the plot, it's about a man who has a visit with God in a shack in the middle of nowhere. (If you want more, read the book). At one point God is listening to something really funky and not at all "christian" and the man questions the choice. God explains that He/She (read the book!!) loves all types of music, because He/She looks past the words to see the heart of the musician.

Now, I'm not God and I can't see the heart of the musician, but I can listen carefully and look for the message in all types of music. I can listen with an open heart and let the music renew my spirit. And if it doesn't renew me or bring joy and energy, I turn it off. There are blessings to be found in all types of music, not just hymns or "christian" songs. You just have to look.

Sometimes it's the words that appeal to me (Thompson Square's "Glass", for instance) and sometimes it's the beat (Tim McGraw's "Truck Yeah"). So, I won't feel guilty about my music choices anymore. I'm not going to worry about being judged for being less than the perfect follower of Christ because someone else doesn't see what I see in a song (a silly thing to worry about, but I have).

Music is a beautiful gift from God. There are many types of music and many types of people who enjoy them. The important thing isn't what you listen to, but what you take from the experience. Are you being uplifted, energized, filled, and blessed? If the answer is no, then change it. Find the music that speaks to you, and fill your life with it.

A love note from our Father

In other news, if you missed yesterday's One Word announcement, click here to see what in the world I am talking about.

My word in Faithful. Last night I was thinking about my word as I waited for sleep to come and I realized there is a very practical area of my life that needs some faithful attention. My blood sugar. See, I am a type 2 diabetic, one who hasn't taken a blood sugar reading in at least 2 months. I hadn't even realized it had been so long! Now, before you panic, my sugar levels are pretty stable. But that doesn't mean I don't need to check. It's a tool to remind me to take care of myself, if I don't use it I slip into bad eating habits and my numbers creep up.

So, just to keep me honest and accountable, I will be adding a blood sugar reading to the end of my posts a few times a week. This is more for me than you, so feel free to ignore it! :)
Today's (fasting) # is 123. Given the late dinner and the carbs involved, I am very surprised it wasn't higher!

Okay, that's all for today! Now, let's go make it a great day!!