Prayer Question

So, here's a question for the masses, how often do you pray? First Thessalonians 5:16-18 says we are to "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing,  give thanks in all circumstances". 

Pray without ceasing. Eek! That has always seemed like an impossible expectation. I can rejoice, even in bad times, if I stop and truly look around and count my blessings. And I can certainly give thanks for those blessings. Those 2 are easy. But unceasing prayer is tougher. 

Is it really though? For most of my life I have thought of prayer as a structured, holy, and profound thing. And it is holy and profound, but does it really need to be structured all the time? Over the last year or so I have started to see prayer a bit differently. Through devotionals like "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young I have started to see my prayer time as more of a conversation. Thing is, I am not really good at conversation. I tend to have trouble maintaining eye contact and I interrupt when random thoughts pop into my head. There is even one lady at work that I swear doesn't like me mainly because I interrupt her so much!

Where was I? Oh yeah, bad conversationalist. This is something I am trying to work on, in my daily interactions with others as well as my prayer life. To answer my own question, some days I pray 2 or 3 times a day, some days I drop into bed and realize I haven't spoken to or listened to Him at all. And I know there are countless days where even that thought doesn't enter my mind. So, I am going to take a step back and try again. Grace is new every morning, right? So fresh start, here I come! 

By the way, thanks for stopping by to read my thoughts. I haven't been a very good blogger for a while now and I really appreciate you for taking the time to stop by! :) 

Have a beautiful and blessed day!

Weigh in Wednesday #4 (pre-Thanksgiving addition)

This week has been a struggle. My blood sugar has been a bit wonky and I am not feeling so great. The hubby has been sick and so is my carpool buddy, so Lord only knows what my body is trying to fight off!

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and with it a 4 day weekend for me. So I fully expect that I will be reporting weight gain by this time next week. Well, actually I have to report some weight gain today, since I have gained about a pound since last Wednesday. Here are my current numbers:

Current weight: 254lbs
Current Fasting blood sugar: 99

My weight has been fluctuating a lot over the past week, the highest number being 256. It is so FRUSTRATING!! But I just keep plodding away (literally since my primary exercise at the moment is walking) and trying not to be too discouraged. Life is, after all, a series of hills and valleys, highs and lows. Why would weight loss be any different?

Do me a favor, will you? Keep me in your prayers. And my hubby, he is trying to quit smoking and is really struggling. He wants to quit, but has smoked for his entire adult life, it is a huge part of his day and his identity. He needs God's strength and his inspiration to find a new way to live cigarette free.

Thank you, and Happy Thanksgiving!! :)

Love this!!

Mean girls

I had an encounter with my workplace's resident "mean girl" yesterday. Do you know any "mean girls"? You know the type I am talking about, right? Females who seem to thrive on conflict and division, who are happiest when they are shaming or belittling others. Of course I knew some "mean girls" growing up, that is to be expected. But what I am talking about is the adult version of a "mean girl", the type that can be found in any workplace that has a large female presence (like mine). This type always seems to have a following of otherwise (individually) perfectly nice females who hang on to the leader's every word and imitate her meanness at every opportunity. There is a pack or clique mentality that just magnifies the cruelty and carelessness to new levels.

So, I had this encounter. I could tell you about it in great detail, but wouldn't that make me a mean girl? I mean, in the very unlikely event that the person in question stumbled across my words and recognized herself in them, wouldn't I be sinking to her level? That is something I do not want to do. So, let's just say I had this encounter that was fairly public and highly frustrating for me. Frustrating because I wanted to say so much, wanted to shame her publicly, wanted to lash out. And I couldn't. In small part because I am now in an official supervisory position (at least on paper) and a public display would have landed me in hot water. But in larger part I felt I couldn't lash out because of my role as the leader of our workplace prayer group. If I had said what I was thinking, it would have been weighed and judged against my claim of salvation. And I would most definitely be found lacking, because I was most assuredly not thinking kind, christian thoughts.

I haven't been able to get this incident out of my mind. My biggest question is why? Why, in all the years that I have known this particular woman, has she always been this way? What shaped her into this? Why can she not see how ugly her behavior is? Why do others follow her? Why can't they see the truth of their actions, the cruelty in their laughter and whispers? Why,why, why??

These seem like pointless questions, and yet I can't get rid of them. They seem so fruitless. Or am I missing the point?  Rather than seeing these thoughts as pointless or fruitless, perhaps I should be viewing them as a call to prayer. Maybe God is speaking to me and I am not listening. Matthew 5:44 says "I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you". Maybe God is trying to tell me to pray. Pray for her, pray for the people who flock around her, for their victims. And pray that in the future I will be led by God's spirit in my interactions with her and her flock. After all, while they are not my favorite people, they are His children, loved just as I am loved.

Ugh. Sometimes being a child of God is really uncomfortable. It would be so much easier to just live in my frustration and anger, to let it fester and color my perceptions of this group. My very human spirit does not want to rise above. So pray for me. I think I am gonna need it!

My unglamorous life

Is your job glamorous? Mine is not. Do you sometimes look around you and wonder if you are making any kind of mark on your world? I do. I know I have written about this before, but it was brought to my mind again yesterday. I am not ever likely to be a great leader, I am not likely to ever have the kind of reach with my little blog that will move a thousand hearts to God. But that doesn't mean my life is wasted. God uses me right where I am.

Over the last few days I have been given the opportunity to pray for 3 different people whom I would probably never known if it had not been for my very ordinary, unglamorous job. One is a friend I met when I first went to work there 18 years ago. She moved on to another job long ago but we have maintained a friendship. Last week her husband went into the hospital and today he is having open heart surgery.

The second friend is someone that I work closely with since they restructured my work group a few months back. Her father was life flighted to Houston over the weekend with a ruptured brain aneurysm. He is in ICU while the doctors work out what happened.

The third is a friend I don't see much of since the a for mentioned restructuring. I just don't get to her part of the building much anymore, nor does she get to mine. But she sent me a text yesterday telling me that she will be off work for a while due to health reasons and asking me to add her to my prayer list.  

Being asked to pray is an honor and a gift. When someone reaches out to you like that, they are placing in you a rare trust. I try to do my very best to honor that trust. It makes me so grateful that for my unglamorous little job and my unglamorous little life. God uses me right where I am, He touches hearts through me right where I am. Really, what more could I ask for?

Prayer

I needed this today. Maybe you do too?

Comfort, Kleenex, and Prayer

Thursday, May 16, 2013

What do you do to give comfort to others?

I really don't consider myself a good comforter. I very seldom find the right words to say and I am an awkward hugger. I am quick with the Kleenex though. Show me some tears and I will find you a tissue!

Tissue and prayer, that is what I give. Somehow, offering prayer never seems to be enough, when in fact it is the best and strongest thing we give. Have you ever said to someone "all we can do is pray"? Why do we do that? Use prayer as the fall back, the last resort. It is in fact the strongest weapon in our arsenal!  Prayer changes things, it changes people. It changes YOU. It can be the ultimate in comfort.

At this very moment I know people who are going through overwhelming struggles, life altering battles that I cannot even imagine. Things that a tissue can't fix. But my prayers can. Reaching out to our Father, sharing the worries and concerns of our heart and asking for His presence in the midst can make all the difference.

Father,
There are people and situations on my heart right now that I can't share in this public space, but you know them. You know the deepest worries, the darkest fears. The life and death struggles that are taking place in the lives of people that I love. Please Lord, be with them all. Be in the midst. Be the comforter that I can never be. Pour your strength and healing and overwhelming love into each life. Heal bodies, deliver souls. Make a way through what seems to be impossible. Thank you for hearing my prayer, for hearing all of our prayers, the cries of your children never go unheard. I love you Father. Amen  

One of my favorites

Don't forget to click over to Thursday Thankfulness and check out my gratitude post! :)

Friday Funnies

Before we get started with the funnies I want to ask you to pray for my dad. He is in the hospital right now, far from me and from my sisters. He wouldn't appreciate me sharing too much information here, so I will just say that he has a blood clot and some chest pain. Please pray that God will be with him and bring him through this health crisis and back to full health. Thanks.

And now the Funnies!

Well, She didn't!

yes, I can relate!

oops!

LOL!

Smart butt!

spring is in the air, and all over my car, my house, my shoes........

Just because we all need random cuteness!

It is almost here!!

And a little something to inspire!

I hope you found a smile and a laugh here! Now, go share some joy with the world!! :)

Sunday thoughts and pictures

Breathe on me

Holy Ghost power

Breathe on me

Yesterday's gone

Today I'm in need

Holy Ghost power 

Breathe on me

This is one of the praise and worship songs we sang this morning in church. It has been sticking with me all day. Especially this line: "Yesterday's gone, Today I'm in need". This could be my daily prayer. Today I am in need. Everyday I am in need. Breathe your mercy, your love, your grace, your forgiveness, and your strength on me. Let me be consumed by your presence. Today, tomorrow, and always.

I have been playing around with putting up and "about me" page on this blog. But I am not sure exactly what I want to say. I am a work in progress. When I started this blog I had no plan for where I was headed with it, but I had a vague notion, and this wasn't it. I never expected to talk about some of the things I have shared here. Like my bad days. Sometimes I worry that I am undermining my confession of faith by sharing so much of my darkness. But I feel compelled at times. I can only think that someone out there needs to know that you can believe and still struggle with depression and anxiety. You can still walk in faith, even when fear dogs your steps. I don't know, maybe I just wrote it. What do you think? 

I found this somewhere online. Wish I could remember where....

This quote too, though the picture is mine, taken on my cell phone

I found this quote over at Inside a Rooth-less Mind:  “No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.”― Eleanor Roosevelt

Signs of spring

That's all I have for today. Stay tuned this week for my next post on dreaming, where I finally take a stab at actually putting something in my dream jar. :)

Until then, go be blessed and a blessing!

Strength or Speed?

As a superhero, would you rather have extreme strength or extreme speed?

Hmm......

Watching my cats zip around this morning, I think I might have to pick speed. They wear me out just watching them. :)

For those who tuned in yesterday, the procedure went well. By well I mean there were no unforeseen problems. Hubby is in a lot of pain and we have been up and down all night. This was expected (though not appreciated) and I arranged to be home with him today. Not that I can do anything, really. But sometimes just being here helps (I hope).

Please keep praying for him, that this procedure will help his pain in the long term.

but I really don't want my love to endure this pain....

What is the bravest thing you've done?

That is the NaBloPoMo writing prompt for today.

What is the bravest thing I've ever done?

The first thing that came to mind when I read this was writing this blog. I never saw myself as a writer. I have been reading so many blogs by people who have always had the drive, the desire to write. That is not me. This is a completely new thing for me. And it has grabbed hold with a vengeance and will not let go.

The next was my marriage. Sticking it out through the tough times instead of giving up. If you have ever been married, you know what I mean. **And before I hurt anyone's feelings, I am not saying that divorce is giving up. Not for anyone but me. I know that sometimes it's the only option. Sometimes things are not fixable, no matter how hard you try. We all have our own path, our own story, I am not here to judge anyone's story , I just want to share mine.

But I really think, if I stop and think about it, that the bravest thing I have ever done is to seek and follow (to the best of my ability) the heart of God. His heart, his desire for my life is leading me into new territory every day. This blog for one. Being married is definitely one. Singing with my church's praise and worship group is another. I NEVER thought I would stand on that platform with a mic in hand and sing. But this past summer after a service in which most of the group was unable to attend I followed God's nudge and offered to help. Been on that platform ever since. It terrifies me, right up until the music starts. Then God steps in. I don't know how I sound or look, but I don't care. At least in that moment. Because it isn't about me, it's about Him.

Prayer is another path He is leading me down. I have a Facebook prayer group and I manage a prayer group at work (how completely cool is that???) and a few times God has moved me to just go to someone and ask to pray for them. Talk about scary. I always feel this overwhelming fear of looking stupid and being rejected. But not once has that happened. I believe that is because I am following the leading of God.

Yeah, following God is the bravest, scariest, most beautiful thing I have ever done. I think I am gonna keep doing it....

FAY days

Today I am not feeling very strong in my faith, or like a person of any substance. I had an anxiety attack yesterday when I left my doctors office after a routine appointment. I am not dying or anything so don't worry. I think I just reached my limit on personal strength. And so I broke. I was supposed to go back to work, but I drove straight home, took some medicine I keep around for these rare attacks and went to bed.

Why am I telling you this? Well, for one thing it helps. It helps to put it out there for anyone (or no one) to see. I am fragile. My life is built upon strength, but it isn't mine. Sometimes I forget that and I carry the load on my own shoulders. And it gets heavy. Fast. And sooner or later, I break under the strain.

I went through a period in my life when these attacks were almost a weekly (and sometimes daily) occurrence. At work we even have a short hand name for them "FAY". It comes from something I said to the group in the middle of one such melt down one day years ago. The "f" I will let you figure out, but rest is "all" & "y'all". Not my finest moment. But I survived and even found humor in the memory.....

Another reason I am sharing this is because I want anyone who reads this to realize that being saved and forgiven by God, being his child, lead by his spirit and word does not mean you don't have bad days. Just because I am broken now, doesn't mean I am not saved. I tripped and fell, I dropped the load I was carrying. A load I did not have to carry alone. And I will get back up, through God's love and grace. I don't really feel that way at this particular moment, but I KNOW it. Because God's word says it. "In quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).

I am having a bad day today. But I believe that God is my strength and He will bring me through this. And he can do that for you as well.  

And I am here if you need a friend....

Manna from Heaven

I think I may have mentioned before how I love to listen to audio books. This week I started listening to one I had heard before years ago, "The Book of God" by Walter Wangerin Jr. It is the bible, written as a novel. If you have never read it, I highly recommend it. It is written in such a way that truly brings the people alive in your mind. It really brings the truth of the word and the fragility of the human mind and spirit into sharp focus for me, reminding me that what was true all those years ago is still true today. Humans are weak, we stray from God and fall away. God is faithful and forgiving, picking us up, dusting us off, and returning us to the path again and again.

The story of the Israelites wandering the desert caught my attention this week and has not left me alone. Specially, how God provided Manna for their daily needs. (Exodus Chapter 16) They were so ungrateful! God has just picked them up out of bondage, overcome their captors, pushed back the red sea and is leading them through the desert to the promised land. When they begin to complain about hunger, God feeds them with bread from heaven! Can you imagine it?!? Food raining down from the sky. All they have to do is go outside and pick it up. That's it. No hunting, not plowing land or harvesting crops. No work involved at all. But before long the people get tired of this miracle and it seemed to them to be not so miraculous anymore. How horrible, how childish, how completely ungrateful! It seems to me that God's chosen people are spoiled brats!

hmmmmm.....

I think maybe I just described myself. 

I am not rich. I don't live in a big, beautiful home or wear designer fashions. By American standards of living I am poor. But when I am hungry there is food in the kitchen. When I am hot I turn down the air conditioning, when I am cold (which is almost never) I turn on the heat. I have a job, and good health insurance. I have a flat screen TV, an mp3 player, books to read, a phone to call or text a friend. I have a car to drive, and my husband has a truck. I could go on and on. I am literally covered up in blessings, my own personal manna from heaven. How often do I truly appreciate it? More often than not I am not looking at what I have, but what I want.

Sounds like I have a lot more in common with the Israelites than I might want to admit.....

Father, forgive me for ignoring all the blessings that surround me. My eyes are blinded, and all I can see is my lack. But you have blessed me with the riches of this land, and so much more importantly, with the unending mercy and grace of your love. Move my heart to better appreciate my blessings and to use those blessings to your glory. Thank you for all that you have given. All that you have sacrificed for me. I love you Lord. My love is a feeble thing by comparison with yours, but it is the deepest and most powerful gift I possess. It is yours, take it and use it daily.

Inspiration

So this morning I woke up wanting to write SOMETHING. Problem is, I had no inspiration. There is nothing particular on my mind, no driving need or urge for a specific message. As I have mentioned before, this only works for me if I feel God's guidance in the process. I am not a writer. I can barely speak a coherent sentence in a conversation, much less put something meaningful on paper (or in this case, a computer screen).

I should tell you that I went directly to my bible looking for guidance. But that would be a lie. First, I procrastinated a bit by calling my sister to chat. Then I wandered over to Facebook and commented on a few posts and pictures. After Facebook, I decided to check out a few blogs that I follow. And there it was, my inspiration. Karen Walrond writes a blog called "Choolooloonks" and I love it. She takes the most amazing pictures of the everyday things and she always says something that makes me think.The blog I read today was titled "focusing and daring greatly". Yeah, I needed that. In it she shares about her excitement and fears concerning a new venture and how she tends to fall back on the coping mechanism of focusing on one aspect at a time instead of the big picture. Then she asks the question,

 how do you make yourself do something that you're scared to do?


Well, how do I make myself do something that I am scared to do???

Most of my life I have played it safe, especially where my faith is concerned. For years I went to church every time the doors opened, sat in the back, and listened to the message. I was saved, but I wasn't growing. I wasn't stretching my faith or seeking new and deeper insight in my walk with God. Heck, I wasn't even walking with Him, he was carrying me the way a parent carries a small child whose legs are too short to keep pace. I read the bible, I could quote scripture. But that isn't enough, and eventually I started missing church and thinking it was okay, they wouldn't miss me (after all, all I did was warm a pew). Truth is, most of the people probably didn't miss me, cause I was just taking up space.

God missed me though. He had been missing me for a while. It took almost 6 years for him to break through my defenses (I am nothing if not stubborn) and reach my heart. He knows me well, so he didn't waste a lot of time with sweet talk. He grabbed my by my shoulders and shook me and said, Come on girl! I created you for MORE. You might think you are not important in this world, but I say you are. If you believe in me, you have to get up and follow me!

Okay, before you start thinking I need to up my meds, he didn't literally shake me, there was no burning bush or angel or anything so dramatic, But he did speak to my heart. If you have ever felt the presence of God, you know exactly what I mean. For me it is a knowing, a certainty in my spirit. A force too strong to be ignored or put off.  

Do this thing I have asked and trust me with it's outcome.  Okay Lord. I will. I will start a prayer group on Facebook and revive the one at work. I will go back to church and volunteer to sing with the praise group and yes, I will even start a blog. I will trust you to move hearts, open doors, make the way. I will learn to listen for your voice, not just in the bible, but in the world. I will look for all the inspiration you have placed in my path and be mindful of my step.

So, how do I make myself do something that I am scared to do? I trust God. I listen to him and I trust that no matter the outcome, he is in control. He is my inspiration...


 here is a link to Karen's blog, just in case you are interested: Focusing and daring greatly-wildly convinced you're uncommonly beautiful

Why?

Why am I doing this?

 I have never seen myself as a writer. I actually have a friend who is a published author, he writes fantasy novels and is quite good. I could never do that. So, why am I doing this?

I guess because I feel drawn to it. Sometimes when I see something or hear something I just feel the pull to write down how it feels to me. If something (or someone) inspires me, I want to make that moment last.

 Make it somehow permanent.

Sometimes, I sit at a computer keyboard and the words just pour out. Not always, in fact, not most of the time. But sometimes. And those times are incredible. I can't describe the wonder in reading something that you wrote and thinking, where did that come from?

Truth is, I know the answer...When people have commented on something I wrote I always say it was God. And it is. Because I know I have no talent in this direction. None at all. So when those moments come, I want to hang on to them with all I have in me, because I feel closer to Him at that moment than any other.

I guess that does answer my question....... :)


Thank you Lord, for directing my heart and mind, for giving me the thoughts and words that may touch another spirit and draw them into a closer relationship with you. Thank you for drawing me closer to you. This blog may never be read by another soul, and that's okay. Maybe this is all about you and me. I don't know where you are leading me, but I am going to do my best to follow and trust you. I know there will be times that I will stray from your path. Please, take my hand and lead me back to it with patience and purpose. I recognize that I need you, I am completely and totally dependent upon you. That dependence is a gift, help me to remember that. I love you Father, thank you for loving me.

Captured

How great You are, how small I am

How awesome is Your mighty hand

And I am captured by the wonder of it all.

That is the chorus to the song "How Great You Are" by Phillips, Craig, and Dean.
I can't seem to get it out of my head, or maybe my heart. Am I truly captured? So many things compete for my attention everyday. Life is so full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows, frustrations and stress. And it seems that the frustration and stress are the things that really capture my focus and attention. Why do I let that happen? Because despite what I tell myself, it is a choice I make everyday. I choose to be caught up in either God's joy and purpose or I choose to be caught up in the world and it's frustration, stress, and negativity.

The world requires so much from us, it seems to drive us to perfection, and when we don't reach it, we are left feeling empty and hurt. God requires only one thing from us, love. Because if we love him, truly love him; the rest will follow. We will be captured by all the wonder around us. I want to walk in that wonder. I want to be captured today by God's grace and love, not by the stresses of my daily life.

Lord, 

Walk with me today. I have great intentions, but I am weak. I know that it will only take a second to distract me from the path you have put before me. When this happens, recapture my attention and draw my focus back to you. I love you Father, and I am grateful beyond words for your forgiveness and acceptance of me, just as I am. I am so small and you are so great, and yet you do know my name. You know so much more of me than I even know myself, and you still love me. Thank you for that miracle of love.

 Amen