Friday Funnies and grumbles

I am sitting on a heating pad on my couch, where I have been for the last 2 days. Well, minus the trip to see the doctor. I somehow managed to pull a muscle or something in my back. The spasms started on Tuesday and got progressively worse Wednesday and Thursday. To top it off, I thought I might be coming down with something. I was feeling so worn out and my blood sugar was wonky (a technical term!) which is usually the first sign of illness. So, off to the doctor I went, because I do not play games when it comes to my health. If I feel off, there is a reason and something needs to be done about it!!

Guess what? I am perfectly healthy. Aside from being a diabetic who is super sensitive to blood sugar changes I mean. Well, my mental health is questionable too, but that's for another day. Turns out I feel so crappy because my blood sugar levels are high because I am in pain. The doc assures me that this is normal, I am just a bit more sensitive to the changes than most, and everything will return to normal when the pain is gone. I guess being sensitive is good, it means I catch most things before they get out of hand (like the cat scratch fever I had after a particularly bad kitten bite) but at the moment I am not a fan!

OKAY!! That's enough of the grumbles! Here come the funnies:

much cuter that the original

why my cats are banned from the bedroom at night...

amen

yep

:)

works with cats and kids (so I'm told)

And a little inspiration to go:

Happy 2014

Happy New Year!

Things have been really quiet around here for a while. I could say (again) that I haven't been feeling "bloggy" but that isn't really the whole truth. The truth is that I have plenty to say, it just isn't very pleasant.

A few months back some stuff happened in my family and it has really thrown my off my game. I haven't wanted to share it here since it involves others who wouldn't appreciate having their "dirty laundry" aired on my blog. But it keeps eating at me. I can push it to the back of my mind while going about my day to day routine, but whenever I sit down to write, whether it be here or in my journal, it all tries to come pouring out. Hence, no blogging.

The problem with my "no blogging" policy is that I miss it. So, I am going to try to work through some of the pain and bitterness and get back into this blog. I won't make any promises and I won't be following any schedules or participating in any challenges, but I will be trying to write. My hope is that I can find a way to actually move forward from this place of pain I seem to be stuck in. After all, it is a new year, and with new years come new possibilities, right?

Happy New Year everyone. May all your dreams come true.

I find truth in this

Lead me Lord.

Why?

Have you ever asked God "why"?

Why Lord, am I struggling? Why am I going through hard times? Worse yet, why are the people I love suffering? Where are you Lord? Why do these horrible things happen to such good people?

I'll admit it, I have. After years of watching my husband try to cope with unrelenting pain from an accident that occurred back when he was a volunteer firefighter, I have questioned God.
 
And it isn't just the pain (as if that weren't enough) but the struggles with managing the medications that make something resembling normal life possible. Medicines that are addictive and yet so vital to his day to day life. Today he has great control of his doses and a schedule that he watches closely. He also has my understanding and support. But he didn't always (a hard admission for me to make). For years I didn't understand, couldn't understand what he was dealing with. How could I really, having never experienced, this pain he lives with? In my ignorance I judged him, I questioned the need for all the medication, questioned his honesty, questioned everything. To be fair, we went through some really tough times, times when he did not have such good control. Times when the medicine controlled him instead of him controlling it. We fought and struggled against each other for the longest time before we realized what the real enemy was. Gradually we found each other again and learned to trust each other again. And we learned to stand as a united front against the pain, the medications, and the world. Because the majority of the world is just like I was, they can't understand. Unless you have lived it, or lived long enough with someone who lives with it; I don't know that true understanding is possible.

Yes, I have questioned God. I have lain in bed in the dark of night and cried because my husband wasn't there, couldn't be there in the bed with me because of this unrelenting pain. I wish I could tell you that I now have the answers. I don't. I may never understand why someone I love suffers so. But I have learned something. I have learned that if we allow it, God can take even our darkest moments and use them to bless others. I know this because I experienced it first hand just recently.

I have a (cyber) friend who is in a struggle very similar to my husband's struggle. There was an accident, multiple surgeries and procedures, and years of pain and pain medications. A few weeks ago she went through a really tough time. She was scheduled to see her doctor to get her medication filled but had to reschedule due to a family crisis. Then she found herself out of medicine and facing the weekend alone. Well, not quite alone. See, God had a plan. A way to take some of my hardest life lessons (and my husband's) and use them to help her through.

His plan actually began with her crisis. We private messaged on Facebook a few times about that and then exchanged phone numbers and began texting. Nothing profound or anything, just your run of the mill "how are you's" and "you can do this" kind of thing. So, when her long weekend arrived, we had already established a pattern of communication. It was easy, at least for me, to reach out and offer encouragement and support. Maybe it wasn't so easy for her, I don't know. Admitting the struggle is hard, though leaning on a relative stranger during those times can make it easier (voice of therapy and experience here). Anyway, all weekend I was just a text away. We would ramble on for a while, then she would fade out (resting or otherwise occupied). Then when she needed a boost she would be back. It wasn't anything overwhelmingly miraculous, just one person being there for another. But in a way, if you think about it, it was kind of miraculous. Because God was able to use me in some small way to help someone else. He was able to use our hardships to bless another person.

I still pray everyday for a miracle, I still have days when I cry out "why?". I probably always will, it's just part of being human. But in the meantime, I find comfort in knowing that our struggles are not in vain, that God can use us, use our hardships to help someone else.....

Or, more accurately, when it seems He is silent. Sometimes I think I can't hear Him because I am too distracted by life....

Don't forget to check out my Thursday Thankfulness post today. And please keep the communities of Boston, Massachusetts and West, Texas in your prayers. 

Sunday thoughts and pictures

If you have been reading my words for the last week or 2 you know that I have been struggling with some serious negative emotions. This has zapped my energy in a bad way. It has made it next to impossible for me to function without tears and anti anxiety meds and left me with nothing much to say.

Because I signed up for NaBloPoMo, so I have been trying to force my way through and post something everyday. It has been really hard and I have been tempted everyday to throw in the towel and give up. I'm glad I haven't. Not because I have had some kind of miraculous breakthrough, but because without this blog I would be sitting here wallowing in self pity and believing that I am alone in my battles. I am not. I am not alone.

I just spent the past hour answering all the comments I have received this week and I know this one thing beyond all doubt. I am not alone.  Every single person that commented was without fail supportive and uplifting. They told me how my words, my pitiful attempt to just put something up on this blog everyday, touched their hearts. They offered prayers for me and my hubby. They gave me much needed support and confirmation that I am not the only one who deals with these negative thoughts and emotions. I want to say Thank you.

Thank you so much for coming here and reading my words and then taking that extra minute to let me know you care.


Earlier this week I also mentioned that my hubby was having a procedure to try to help with his chronic pain. The doctor's told us that if it worked we should know within the first few days. Well, it didn't. It was a terrible week for him, lots of additional pain and discomfort to endure with no pay off. I know the doctor will try to push us to try this again, but we won't be (unless hubby changes his mind, this has been known to happen). It's time to move to the next step, whatever that is. We would appreciate your prayers about this. It is hard to know what direction to take.


OH! Guess what?? I have been nominated for this:

 

 I will tell you more about it later this week (see, that way you have to come back to visit me! Sneaky!!) but I do want to say thank you to Rhye over at Seven Seas of Rhye. I love her blog and it is an honor to be nominated by her! Now, come back tomorrow for more info, ok?? :)

Oh! Guess what else???? I got an email from Greg, over at The Falling Skies Blog  informing me that I have moved from "guest writer" to "Contributing Author" (in caps) on the blog! I am so excited about this! (You can tell by my over use of the exclamation point...well, maybe you can't. I have a problem with exclamation over use!!!!!) What does this mean? It means that when I submit something to the blog it will get special consideration. It means that I have an open invite to write and rant about one of my favorite shows! How cool is that!?!

And now, how about a picture or two from my world? Okay, you talked me into it! Here you go! 

random old gas sign out at my mom's place. My dad had a habit of collecting the strangest stuff!

Just me playing with my camera. I really like how it came out!

What ya doing in there Pakita?? Nothin' momma, what you doin'??

 Well, I think that's it for Sunday. All and all not a bad day, if I do say so myself. Now, I just have to work up the energy to do some laundry! See you tomorrow!

LOL!

Strength or Speed?

As a superhero, would you rather have extreme strength or extreme speed?

Hmm......

Watching my cats zip around this morning, I think I might have to pick speed. They wear me out just watching them. :)

For those who tuned in yesterday, the procedure went well. By well I mean there were no unforeseen problems. Hubby is in a lot of pain and we have been up and down all night. This was expected (though not appreciated) and I arranged to be home with him today. Not that I can do anything, really. But sometimes just being here helps (I hope).

Please keep praying for him, that this procedure will help his pain in the long term.

but I really don't want my love to endure this pain....