we made it!

It is the 31st of January!!

we are!!

NaBloPoMo is finished!! I am definitely not doing this next month. I need a break! But I made it through, and I am proud of myself. It was harder this month than it was in November. This month has been a real emotional roller coaster for me and writing through it was one of the hardest things I have done.

I am going to take tomorrow off. Maybe Saturday too, we will see. But I will be back on Sunday for sure, so I'll see you then! 

P.S. Don't forget to check out my Thursday Thankfulness post today!

Look! Funny pictures!

I really don't have much to say. I would have skipped today but it is the 30th and I have almost made it all the way through NaBloPoMo. I am not gonna let my lack of coherent thoughts ruin my record! So, without further ado, funny pictures!!!

this is me

this is my standard exercise routine

I do have a bike...I just don't ride it. not since it broke my arm. Seriously

This is how my weekends usually go.

And so, my record remains intact for another day! I will try to use actual words tomorrow, I promise!

blogging etiquette part 2

Last Saturday I posted several questions about blogging etiquette. First let me say thank you to everyone who responded to my questions and concerns. You guys are great!! Your responses were supportive and helpful and instructive. In short, everything a girl could want from her blogger friends!

I have taken much of the advice to heart, especially concerning selective commenting. I already feel less stressed about my reading list!

Thanks to Julie at Julie's Musings I now have a new widget at the bottom of each post! You can now click "funny", "interesting", "inspiring", or "informative" to let me know if you like my post. I hope these little buttons will get some clicks by folks who read but don't have anything to comment. My fingers are crossed for some good feedback!

I love this quote. And I need the reminder daily!

Look out world, Monday's here

I love this!

A new work week is upon us. Can I tell you part of me is really not looking forward to it? With all the changes taking place, there is a lot of tension and hurt floating around the workplace. And frankly, dealing with my own emotions is hard enough without all that negative influence. Somehow I have to find a way to overcome all of this and be the best reflection of God's presence that I can be. My very human heart doesn't want to do this. It wants to be angry. It wants to be hurt.

In an effort to "get my head on straight" this morning I decided to watch a video on TED. I love TED. I love how you can find talks on all kinds of subjects there. Science and tech, faith and art. Just about anything you can imagine can probably be found there. Today I decided to watch "Israel and Iran: A love story?" by Israeli graphic designer Ronny Edry. First of all, can I tell you that this talk really puts my little workplace angst into perspective? Yeah, it's important to me, but in the grand world view, it is not important at all. I won't ruin the talk for you, click the link and watch it. And then ask yourself how big your problems are really and what you can do to change them. How can you (and I) reach out to the world around us to affect a change?

Have a beautiful and blessed day! :)

P.S. Today's blood sugar readings, as promised: 10:15pm Sunday 107. 4:10am Monday126 (fasting)

Sunday thoughts and pictures

So, back at the first of the year I told you about choosing my "one word" for 2013.

Since it's the last Sunday of January I thought it might be a good time to look back and see how I am doing and what I might need to focus on in the future.

• First and foremost, how am I doing in my faithfulness in relation to God? Well, this area can use some work. This blog helps, writing here helps to keep me grounded in my faith. It makes me more conscious of my thoughts, are they a reflection of God or of myself? More often than not I don't like the answer, but it does drive me to be more aware.
• I  have also realized I need to be more faithful in my prayer life. I have mentioned before that I am part of a Facebook prayer group and a prayer group at work. I have realized that I have not been participating in these groups as actively has I have been in the past. I feel I have a calling to prayer in my life. But I haven't been embracing this calling. So this is an area I need to work on. 
• The second most important area of my life that deserves my faithful attention is my marriage. It is very easy, when you have been with someone most of your life, to fall into a pattern of unintended disregard. You begin to take your mate for granted. You stop focusing, stop seeing the places in your relationship that need tending. That has happened in my marriage. Over the last few weeks we have been working on reconnecting and rebuilding the trust and friendship that has to be the foundation of any relationship. It is an ongoing process, not something that we can call complete after a few weeks or months. So, this is an area that will need my attention as well.
• My health. I mentioned my diabetes and that I needed to be more faithful to checking it and watching my diet here. Mentioned it and then forgot about it. Well, I didn't really forget, I just didn't do what I needed to do. And I am feeling the effects. My legs have been hurting a lot and I have noticed more swelling in my feet and hands. And my weight (always a struggle) is up. So, I am going to make a real effort here. Starting tomorrow I will log my blood sugar 3 times a day and do my best to document it here as a tool to keep me honest. I also went grocery shopping for some healthy lunch options so I won't be so tempted to eat out, which I can't really afford anyway.
• I really want to read more this year. I am, at heart an avid reader. But due to life circumstances and stress, I don't read as much as I once did. For instance, I have a great, short book that I borrowed from a coworker last fall and I have not finished it yet. I didn't even start it until January 1st. I am only 1/2 way through. My goal, to finish it and begin something new. To take some quiet time for myself. That sounds wonderful.

Okay. I think that's it, for now. I have definitely hit the areas of greatest importance to me. :)

 Now, how would you like a couple of pictures?

side of the road picture

my back yard view

It's strange, but the angle of this picture just draws me to it. 

And now for some humor!

blogging etiquette

Fellow bloggers, I need your input here! I am still fairly new at this and worry about balancing proper blogging etiquette with a plan that works for me (and doesn't stress me out).

Here is the problem, I am behind on my blog reading and comments. Part of the problem is that I very seldom meet a blog I don't like. When I like a blog and think I might want to read more, I add it to my Google reader. Right now I have 56 blogs on my reading list. And according to Google I currently have 203 unread blog posts. Couple those numbers with my lack of energy and emotional struggles of late and you begin to see my problem.

I can't help but wonder, am I the only one out there that struggles with this? Should I trim my reading list? I hate to do that because I know that numbers matter to most bloggers (whether we will admit it in print or not). Should I mark unread posts as read when they start to pile up? That feels like cheating. Should I just let them pile up and not worry about them? Am I over thinking this??

think, think, think!

Part of what slows me down is commenting. I am a believer in commenting on what I have read, even it's just to say "Hi, I stopped by for a visit". I do this because I know how much it means to me to get comments. The numbers are great, but the comments make my day. It let's me know that someone was engaged by my words and/or images. They also give me a link to other blogs to read (this is a good thing, despite my previous paragraph). I really don't see myself changing this practice, but I am curious about the comment practices of others. How often do you comment? Do you just say "hi" or only comment if you have something specific to say?

And what about subscribing to comments? Do you do that? I like to know if my comments are answered, but it I subscribe I end up with tons of emails with answers to other folks comments, most of which mean nothing to me. Is there a way around that?

As you can see, I really need your input!

Friday cat humor

 Today I am worried about my cat, Jonah. He is 19 years old and the furry love of my life. See?

 

Isn't he beautiful?

last night he was throwing up, and it was pink. I will provide no more detail but to say is scared me. This morning he seems fine, but I am worried. Therefore I think we need some cat humor to brighten my your day! 

 

 And just for kicks (and I can't resist anything furry and funny at the same time!), here's a panda:

He has issues...don't we all??

 

 That's it folks! Now get out there and make someone smile! It's gonna be a great day!

Writing prompts and my heart

I just realized that the NaBloPoMo writing prompts have gone completely out the window. I haven't even looked at them in at least a week. Depression, worry, and stress took their toll. I am feeling better now, but the prompts still hold no interest for me. Maybe that is for the best. I enjoy the occasional challenge of writing for a prompt, but I also need the release of writing wherever my fingers & God lead me. It is a wonderful feeling to sit down at the computer and just type. To see where my heart wants to go. 

Heart, fingers, and God. Not my brain. Because most of the time my brain wants to go to dark places that fill me with fear and uncertainty. That brain, it is an important gift from God. But all to often I find it has been overwhelmed by the worries of life. My heart, on the other hand, yearns for the light of God's love. It is more willing to trust, to be still and see what God will do. My heart instinctively follows the light. My brain worries and rationalizes and over analyzes. It is not really good at being still.

The writing prompts have been a challenge. And some have even been fun. But I think I am done with them for the time being. I think I need to follow my inner prompts for a while and see where that takes me. :)

P.S. It is Thursday and I would be so happy if you clicked here to see what I am thankful for.

P.S.S. I saw this on Facebook last night and it spoke to me. It said, "post me on your blog, someone out there needs to see me." So, here you go somebody.....

Don't look now, but change is coming

Change is on the way. In general I am not a huge fan of change. I accept that it is part of life. I understand it really is inevitable. But I like my comfort zone. I feel safe here.

I am especially not a fan of change when it takes place in multiple fronts in my life at once. And that is what is happening. Some of it is good. The hubby and I have been making some important changes in our relationship, and that is good. We have been together basically our entire lives (we started dating at age 17, married at age 20) and we had reached a place where we realized we had lost our connection to each other. We are here, in the same place at the same time. But we haven't really been together. We are working to fix that. And that is a really good thing.

Things are changing at work too. Some of that is good. More responsibility. New challenges. I am looking forward to that. But with it comes a change in my schedule. I will be going from 7:00 am - 3:30 pm to 9:30 am - 6:00 pm. This will only add more strain to my marriage. A new problem for us to overcome. It will also make appointments hard to keep without having to take the whole day off from work (time management is already a struggle for me).

*Before I go on, I should say I do realize how lucky I am to have a job. I know there are a lot of folks out there that would be grateful for my job and welcome the hours. That doesn't change the fact that after at least 12 years of working the coveted 7 am to 3:30 pm I have been informed (not asked) that my hours will change and given about a month to make arrangements. Added to this that I will no longer be able to carpool. With a 80 mile round trip drive 5 days a week, this puts a huge financial burden on us.

So, change is all around me. And I do not like it. I just want to wave a magic wand and make everything work out. I want to use fairy dust, or wish on a falling star. I want to wiggle my nose and fix it. I can't.

I can do one thing. I can pray. I can ask my Father to help me through all these challenges. This, unfortunately, is not the first thing that comes to mind. Why is that? I know better. I think it is simply because I am human, and as such I have an overwhelming urge to beat my head against the brick wall of life. I really need to change that.

One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that I am God.

God doesn't say worry. He doesn't say obsess. He doesn't say fight it. He says Be Still. I am really, really bad at being still. I am a fixer. A whiner. An obsess-er. I am not the quiet, waiting type. Even burying my head in the sand and ignoring the issue is not being still. It is action, really foolish action, but action all the same. So, I need to work on this. Do me a favor and when you pray, pray for me. Pray for my marriage, my job, my walk with God. Pray for me to find the courage and patience to be still. 

so, this is the beginning, right?

Versatile Blogger Award

So, I may have mentioned the other day that I was nominated for this:

 

by Rhye at  Seven Seas of Rhye. This award comes with the following instructions:

• Thank the blogger who nominated you and include a link to their site. 
• Add The Versatile Blogger Award picture to your blog post.
• Nominate 7 fellow bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly and include a link to their site.
• Let them know you have nominated them.
• Share 7 random facts about you.

Step 1: Thank you so much Rhye! I have been struggling so much lately and this little award was a great pick me up, and your comment on why you chose me was so sweet. I can't tell you how much this seemingly simple little gift has helped my mood! :) Now, for the rest of you, click the link above and go check out Rhye's blog!

Step 2: I am supposed to add the picture to my post. I did that above, but I can't help myself sometimes and I was playing around with my Textgram app today and made a new picture (or 2) for the award. What do you think??

I hope you like it, cause some lucky folks out there in cyberspace are going to receive one of their very own (though my feelings won't be hurt if you stick with the original pic).

Now, the hard part, Nominate 7 other bloggers. How do I choose?? I guess I just have to dive right into my reading list!

1. Cathy at Cathy's Voice Now. Cathy is my hero! She is a 61 year old college student and proud of it! Her blog is about life in her world and facing the challenges life throws her way.
2. Beckey at My Really, Real Reality. Beckey describes herself like this: A Child of God, wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, avid reader, crocheter, blogger. I enjoy the glimpses into her corner of the world very much.
3. Carrie at Daily Musings. Carrie also writes a lot from the Christian perspective. I appreciate blogs like hers that remind me that I am not alone on this journey of faith and that we can still be real people with real problems. We don't have to be cookie cutter Christians, we can ourselves.
4. Winnie at Winnie's Inky Fingers. Winnie is crafty like I wish I could be! She makes the most adorable cards and I look forward to each new post to see what she has created!
5. Slimgreen at well....Slimegreen. Slimegreen (hopefully not her real name!) is funny and quirky and makes me laugh. I only recently started reading her blog, but she has never failed to make me smile!
6. Not Fainthearted at This Journey. N.F.H. (also not her real name!) writes beautiful posts about her faith journey and about life. She encourages me. And she "keeps it real". Life isn't always sunshine and roses, ya know. 
7. Violet at My Purple Dreams. Violet was just awarded a Liebster, so she may be suffering award burnout, but I had to include her. She is one of my favorite bloggers. I really feel a connection to her and her struggle to reach for her dreams. Also, we share a fascination with quotes! :)

Okay, that's my list. I could have added more. There are so many blogs out there that inspire me, inform me, humor me, and in general interest me. The world is vast and beautiful and blogs give me a chance to peek into different corners of it anytime I want.

Now I have to give you 7 random facts about myself:

1. I collect stuffed animals. Yes, I am 41 years old and have stuffed animals in my bedroom (the hubby is very tolerant, even built me shelves for them). They make me smile!
2. I also collect photos. Family photos, nature photos, old photos, new photos, photos of random people and places. I am fascinated with photos.
3. I met my hubby when we were both 11 years old. And I fell in love at first sight. So, I have been in love with this man for 30 years. And each day I swear I learn something new about him. I hope that never stops.
4. It has been almost 1 year since my Grandmother passed away. I miss her so much. She was more than just my grandmother, the matriarch of our family, she was my friend.
5. On my 39th birthday I broke my arm on an ill advised bike ride.
6. I am running out of facts and asked my hubby. He says to include these: I'm a little flighty, I have a good sense of humor, I am extremely caring, honorable, and loving.
7. I married the perfect man for me. And I couldn't feel more loved. 

 
Okay! I am done! I think that this is the longest blog I have written in a while. It feels good. I think I am getting better. :)

;)

 

Liebster Award, part 5

Okay, so you may vaguely recall that I received a Liebster Award back in December. Being the master procrastinator that I am, I have managed to put off actually nominating anyone and coming up with questions until now.

Truthfully, I would still be procrastinating, but I was nominated for another blogger award and it reminded me that I needed to finish this up, seeing as the holiday's are over and that was my excuse well thought out reason for waiting to finish. So, today is all about the Liebster!

First, who to nominate???

I think the rules say that I am to nominate 11 other blogs, but I'm a rule breaker, so I think I will nominate ....oh, let's say 6 other blogs. Why 6? I don't know, sounds like a nice easily accomplished number.

1. Jerimi at My Antidepressant Life. I love this Blog! Jerimi is funny and interesting and honest. Not to mention she has a ton of great quotes and catchy sayings on her blog, and we know I love a good quote! 
2.  Julie at Julie's Musings. Julie writes from the heart and her heart is for God. What is better than that??
3. Karen at Titus 2 Tea. This is another wonderful source of inspiration for me. Karen writes beautifully God inspired words that touch my heart.
4.  Kerry at smiffbib. This is one of the first blogs I ever read. She is honest and quirky and fun. She makes me think and makes me smile.
5. Rhye at Seven Seas of Rhye. This has nothing to do with the fact that she nominated me for my other award and everything to do with her wonderful, heartfelt writing style. She is a recent addition to my reading list and I look forward to her posts!
6. And finally, Ann at Doodles and Jots . She writes a great crafty blog and while I am not crafty, I do enjoy seeing what is out there in the crafty world! Also, Ann has been super supportive and kind to me in her comments on my blog, and as we all know comments make all the difference. 

There you go, 6 nominees. I could have selected more, so many more. But I need to save some for my other award nominations too. We will have to wait until tomorrow to see who those will be (translation, I can't decide)

Step 2, Come up with 11 questions for my nominees to answer. Okay, I am cheating here. I am going to use some of the questions that were asked of me....deal with it Liebster police (of which I hope there are none)!

1.  A childhood memory.
2. One of your biggest fears.
3. Something you wish you knew at 18.
4. Five things you cannot leave the house without.
5. Something you like about yourself.
6. If you could spend an hour in the past, when would you want to visit?
7. If you could have a thousand dollar gift card to one store, which store would it be?
8. If you could anonymously grant a wish, whose would you grant?
9. What flavor evokes the strongest memory for you? 
10. Why do you blog?
11. Dog or Cat person??

Ha! I did it. Okay, I didn't do it alone, but I did do it. That's what counts, right? Now it's up to my nominees. Answer the 11 questions, then tell your readers 11 random facts about yourself, and nominate some of your favorite blogs for the award!

Tomorrow I will begin the process of accepting this:

Until then, how about a smile?

If this doesn't at least make you smile, please check your pulse.

Sunday thoughts and pictures

If you have been reading my words for the last week or 2 you know that I have been struggling with some serious negative emotions. This has zapped my energy in a bad way. It has made it next to impossible for me to function without tears and anti anxiety meds and left me with nothing much to say.

Because I signed up for NaBloPoMo, so I have been trying to force my way through and post something everyday. It has been really hard and I have been tempted everyday to throw in the towel and give up. I'm glad I haven't. Not because I have had some kind of miraculous breakthrough, but because without this blog I would be sitting here wallowing in self pity and believing that I am alone in my battles. I am not. I am not alone.

I just spent the past hour answering all the comments I have received this week and I know this one thing beyond all doubt. I am not alone.  Every single person that commented was without fail supportive and uplifting. They told me how my words, my pitiful attempt to just put something up on this blog everyday, touched their hearts. They offered prayers for me and my hubby. They gave me much needed support and confirmation that I am not the only one who deals with these negative thoughts and emotions. I want to say Thank you.

Thank you so much for coming here and reading my words and then taking that extra minute to let me know you care.


Earlier this week I also mentioned that my hubby was having a procedure to try to help with his chronic pain. The doctor's told us that if it worked we should know within the first few days. Well, it didn't. It was a terrible week for him, lots of additional pain and discomfort to endure with no pay off. I know the doctor will try to push us to try this again, but we won't be (unless hubby changes his mind, this has been known to happen). It's time to move to the next step, whatever that is. We would appreciate your prayers about this. It is hard to know what direction to take.


OH! Guess what?? I have been nominated for this:

 

 I will tell you more about it later this week (see, that way you have to come back to visit me! Sneaky!!) but I do want to say thank you to Rhye over at Seven Seas of Rhye. I love her blog and it is an honor to be nominated by her! Now, come back tomorrow for more info, ok?? :)

Oh! Guess what else???? I got an email from Greg, over at The Falling Skies Blog  informing me that I have moved from "guest writer" to "Contributing Author" (in caps) on the blog! I am so excited about this! (You can tell by my over use of the exclamation point...well, maybe you can't. I have a problem with exclamation over use!!!!!) What does this mean? It means that when I submit something to the blog it will get special consideration. It means that I have an open invite to write and rant about one of my favorite shows! How cool is that!?!

And now, how about a picture or two from my world? Okay, you talked me into it! Here you go! 

random old gas sign out at my mom's place. My dad had a habit of collecting the strangest stuff!

Just me playing with my camera. I really like how it came out!

What ya doing in there Pakita?? Nothin' momma, what you doin'??

 Well, I think that's it for Sunday. All and all not a bad day, if I do say so myself. Now, I just have to work up the energy to do some laundry! See you tomorrow!

LOL!

peculiar people

 "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; that you may proclaim the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light."

 1 Peter 2:9

That is one of my favorite scriptures. Probably because I like being "peculiar". I'm a little off and proud of it! At heart I am a goofball, I like to do silly little things to make other people smile. I lose that part of myself when the depression and uncertainty start to weigh me down. It's easy to tell when I am losing my battle with my inner demons, I stop being silly. I stop making eye contact. I stop being my usual peculiar self. 

Of course, I realize that God wasn't calling his children weird, silly, or crazy when He called us "peculiar". I did a quick Google search of the phrase "a peculiar people" and I found a link to an post written by Dr. Dan Hayden. Honestly, I have never heard of this man before, but I like his writing style. I will definitely be reading more of his work in the future. 

Anyway, this post is titled (oddly enough) "A Peculiar People". And it gives a clear definition of the use of the word peculiar in this scripture. Simply put, it translates as "people for God’s own possession". God's possession.

I really like that. I want that word to take root in my heart.

 

 "a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people"

 

I am His. In good times and bad. In depression and in joy. In seriousness and in silliness. I am chosen. I am a child of God. And so are you. That's a beautiful thing.

Even when it doesn't feel like it.

Maybe

Today I am thinking WHY did I sign up for NaBloPoMo???? I have no desire to write. None. There's stuff going on in my life that I can't share here and it is overwhelming my thought processes. Writing prompts have no interest for me, and I can't come up with anything inspired to share. I wouldn't even be sharing this much, but the fact that I signed up makes me feel obligated.

Yes, I know the NaBloPoMo police won't show up on my cyber doorstep to haul me away. It's okay to miss a day. I know this. But I also know I was really proud of getting all the way through November and I want to keep my "record" unbroken.

Maybe it's good therapy to write even when I don't want to. Maybe writing even though what I really want to do is crawl into bed and sleep (that's worry and depression talking) is a good thing. Maybe, just maybe there is someone out there in cyberspace who needs to know they aren't alone (I know I need to know that sometimes). Maybe there is even someone out there struggling with these same feelings who believes that their struggle is a reflection on their faith and relationship with God. I used to think that. I used to believe that depression was a sign of weakness in my faith. If I could only believe deeper, walk straighter, serve more fully, I wouldn't be depressed.

Can I just say, that's crap. Really, it is complete crap. We are human, not God. We have human emotions. And some of those emotions hurt. They drag us down into dark places. That doesn't mean we don't believe. It doesn't make us unworthy of God's love. It just makes us human.

Maybe someone out there needs to be reminded of that. Maybe that someone is me, since just typing those words has lifted my spirits some. It will be okay. Not today maybe, but it will be okay.

I needed this. Do you?

no prompts today

I'm not even going to look. I don't really care.


I will give you this link: Does Air Exist?

I wrote yesterday's guest post. Basically it's the story of how I got saved and grounded from church all in the same day (I was 13 years old). It is an interesting story. I hope you can find the time to read it.

It's Thursday, so don't forget to click here to see what I am thankful for this week. 

love this image

My kryptonite

If you were a superhero, what would be your kryptonite, draining your energy?

Yeah, that one is easy. Self doubt, worry, and stress.That's what drains me now, so I think it's safe to say that if I were a superhero it would still be the case.

As a christian I know better than to allow these things to rule me. But they are sneaky little demons, slinking their way into my thoughts and my dreams. They start small, but slowly build and grow until they overwhelm me spirit and cut me off from all that I hold truly dear.

Can I tell you a secret? These demons have come very close to destroying my marriage. My worry, stress and doubt coupled with his drove a wedge in our relationship. It created a deep well of hurt and uncertainty. But we are overcoming this. We are working together to rebuild what has been torn apart. And we will succeed. Because we truly love each other, and because we are joined together by God on this life journey. He is my rock, my shelter, my best friend, my biggest fan. The man placed in my life by God himself to be my other half, my mate, my earthly comfort and support. And with him and God, I can overcome my kryptonite. The 3 of us are a team. I may not be a true superhero, but with God and my hubby beside me I know I can do anything I am called to do.

Life is scary sometimes and we aren't superheros with superpowers. But we have a Father who has all the power. And in my case I have a partner who is my reason for living, for facing each day head on. That is a mighty and powerful thing. I will take it over superpowers any day.

I am definitely with the right one!

Strength or Speed?

As a superhero, would you rather have extreme strength or extreme speed?

Hmm......

Watching my cats zip around this morning, I think I might have to pick speed. They wear me out just watching them. :)

For those who tuned in yesterday, the procedure went well. By well I mean there were no unforeseen problems. Hubby is in a lot of pain and we have been up and down all night. This was expected (though not appreciated) and I arranged to be home with him today. Not that I can do anything, really. But sometimes just being here helps (I hope).

Please keep praying for him, that this procedure will help his pain in the long term.

but I really don't want my love to endure this pain....

superpowers

If you were a superhero, what would be your hidden superpower?

This is a "no brain-er" for me. My hidden superpower would be healing. I would heal all the physical and emotional hurts of everyone I love. And then the world. But my loved ones first.

My husband is scheduled for an out patient procedure today at the pain management doctor's office. Some shots in his neck and back to hopefully relieve some of his chronic pain. We have done these types of shots before with little success, but it's been a while, so we are trying again. Oh, how I wish I could magically remove his pain! To wipe out the last 20 years of doctors and surgeries and procedures that have caused only more pain. To eliminate the need for pills and shots and all the things that drag him down! That would be an amazing thing!

Do me a favor, say a prayer for my sweet hubby today. Pray that this procedure will help him. Pray for his body to be pain free. He is an incredible man. He doesn't see all that he is, how courageous and strong he really is. He can't see the man I love through the pain. Pray for him to see himself as I see him.

Prayer is our real superpower. I don't always understand it. Sometimes it seems that my prayers aren't being answered. But I know my Father hears the cries of my heart and that He is moved by them. The creator of all worlds listens to the smallest heartfelt cry of His children and answers. Maybe not in the way we want or think we need, but He always answers. Reaching the heart of God, if that isn't a superpower, then I don't know what is.

P.U.S.H.

Sunday thoughts and pictures

So, it's Sunday. I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to say. It's been a pretty lousy weekend and I am not feeling very inspired. I even skipped out on church today, which does nothing to improve my feelings of self worth. Have you figured out that I am fighting off a round of depression?

It's not all bad though. The hubby and I had to make a run to the store and out to my mom's place and I took along my camera. Got a few shots that I am kind of proud of. Wanna see??

Okay, that's it. So, I guess this post is more pictures and less thoughts. Sorry. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Until then my friends!

Are we there yet?

It's been a really bad day. The kind of day that feels overwhelming and never ending. Assuming that God is in the driver's seat and I am strapped into a kiddie car seat in the back, my only recurring thought is:

"Are we there yet????"

I know I am being a whiny child, impatiently looking for answers to questions I don't even truly understand yet. Why can't I understand? Why won't He give me understanding? Why does life have be so hard??

I am a middle aged woman, shouldn't I have at least some of this stuff figured out?

But I don't. And right at this very moment understanding seem a lifetime away. So, like a child, I am clinging to my Father's hand. I am trusting in the only thing I can, He loves me.

Tomorrow will be better.