Really? Does this strike anyone else as being a question about dreams?? Okay, the word used here is "hope" but we know what the question is really saying, right? Tell us something you dream about doing.....
And here we are again. Just reading that question causes me to freeze up completely. Why? Simply put, my dreams seem impossible.
I dream of a day when my husband will be pain free. I hope for a morning when he will wake up from a good night's sleep and pain will not be the first thing he feels. When I can ask "how are you feeling?" and the answer will be an honest, happy, and carefree "great!".
I dream of a little (but not too little) house out in the country on the land where I grew up. Enough room for me, the hubby, and the herd of fur babies. To be close enough to my mom to help out, but in our own place so everyone has their privacy. I dream of sitting on my covered porch listening to the wind in the trees and feeling the peace that comes from being home, truly home.
And yes, I dream of a day when money will not be an issue, when my bills are paid when they arrive, not when my paycheck does (and then, never all of them at once). A day when we can travel for pleasure and not worry too much about our bank balance.
I have lesser dreams/hopes too. Dreams of attending a sci-fi convention, of learning to knit, and yes, even a slowly growing dream of writing something that someone is willing to pay for (not sure when that happened exactly, I never had the desire to write before this blog!). But it's the big ones that get me. Those are the ones that I have to struggle just to say aloud.
As a woman who professes to believe in a God who can do all things, I am ashamed of my fear. I am ashamed to admit that these dreams feel so impossible. I am ashamed, but I am also forgiven. I am human and imperfect. I am loved and cherished by a God who is the definition of perfection. Where my faith may falter, my God will never fail. I may feel the fear that my dreams are impossible, but I still believe in the God who says that he will give me the desires of my heart.
Lord, forgive my fear, teach me to trust you. And please, make my dreams come true.
Hugs.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever read Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way?
I would recomend it. I love her views of God as the Great Creator.
I wish I had a suggestion to help with the pain, but can only send prayers.
Rennata,
DeletePrayers are always appreciated! I sometimes feel bad about posts like this, as if I am somehow complaining about my husband or having a pity party over the things we do not have. But I am trying to be as honest as possible (what's the point in writing if I'm not?) and I just have to believe that somewhere there is someone who needs to know they are not alone and that God will lead them here. I adore my hubby, and I do love our life together. Things are not perfect, but things rarely are for anyone. Perfection is an illusion.
Also, I have put The Artist's Way on my Amazon wish list, so I will remember to read it! :)
thank you my friend and be blessed!
Keep dreaming, Tamara...and keep looking for the blessings your Father gives even as you wait.
ReplyDeleteThank you Julie, I will. :)
DeleteThese are lovely aspirations. I hope that they come to you, or that something even better does.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jerimi. I need to get over and visit your blog. I haven't been a very good blogging buddy lately. I have a lot of sites I need to visit! :)
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