Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Let me out!!
Saw this on Facebook this morning and thought "yeah, that's me". I do feel like I am going out of my mind, or at least trying to. I can see myself beating at the walls of my own brain, looking for the exit. Have you ever felt that way? Like the last place in the world you want to be is trapped in your own thoughts?
It's not even that my thoughts are particularly dark or depressing. It's more like they are a chaotic whirlwind of disconnected randomness. Whirling around but going nowhere. Day like this are exactly why I am glad to be able to listen to audiobooks at work. Music just doesn't cut it on days like this. It seems to wind me up further instead of soothing me. But I can lose myself in the stories, I can shut down and immerse myself in a mind that is not my own. It makes facing other people and earning a living possible.
It's funny how writing all of this helps. My first instinct wasn't to write, if I had not already signed up for NaBloPoMo this month I probably wouldn't be writing at all. But I did, and I can't stand the idea of giving up on the challenge before it's even begun (it's only the 5th, after all). I suppose I could have faked some sort of cheerful post (or 12). But honestly, I am not that creative. So, you are stuck reading my crazy ramblings. Sorry. But I am finding that it really does help. Like the audiobooks. It helps make leaving the safety of this house possible.
I will get through this. I know from past experience that it doesn't last forever. I just gotta keep telling myself that.