I gave my answer, short and sweet, and moved on with my day. And what a day it was! Full of frustration, tension, and anxiety. From the moment I walked in the door at work thinks started going downhill. I couldn't get into my assigned work area because the computer tech guy was there, doing something to my computer. Well, actually he was babysitting it while someone offsite dialed in and did something. Something that kept me from being able to use my computer for another 2 hours. Not good.
So, I located another computer to use, but this one only had part of what I needed to complete my work on it. I needed MY computer. And my workspace. When I finally got into it I was running so far behind and getting more and more tense. And there were other issues too. People that I needed to talk to about other problems. Problems that only got bigger and more complicated the longer we talked. And the tension kept building.
I skipped my break. I skipped my lunch. I skipped a "mandatory" meeting. I worked. And worried. And got frustrated. And then I started making mistakes. Nothing life threatening. Just stupid mistakes. Ones that my supervisor had to catch. Great, more anxiety. Which lead to more mistakes. UGH!!!
Meanwhile in the very back corner of my mind I was thinking about my blog post. About how pat my answer to the question of the day had been. How simple it sounded. How stupid. FINALLY I went to a very late lunch. I had to get out of there so I went to my car and called my husband. I complained and I fussed. I whined. And I calmed down. It wasn't so much what he said, it was the fact that he was there on the other end of the line. It was his voice, his presence. It took 20 minutes, but I finally began to feel the tension unwinding inside me. I felt myself begin to center and calm. To be able to breathe a clean breath and know that it was going to be okay. Not just tell myself that, but know it.
I wish I could tell you that the rest of my day went smoothly. It did not. I really do not handle stress well. I am not the kind of girl who can just shake it off and move on. I am also not the kind of girl who has grace under pressure. In fact I am pretty sure no one who knows me would associate the word "grace" with me in any way at all! But I did survive the day, and so did the people around me, so we will call it a win.
So, what about my blog post? It really was too easy. My answer was too pat, too simplistic. Don't get me wrong, it was true. But it didn't tell the whole story. It made my life sound so.....bland. Boring. Which it can be at times (oh those precious moments!). I didn't really give that prompt my full attention. And what's the point of the prompt if I don't really think it through? I think that God might have been trying to teach me that lesson. Lately I have been really been wondering about the direction of this blog and of my life. Am I living up to God's expectations for me? Am I on his path? I don't think I will ever be one of those people who can write beautiful prose about scripture or anything. But am I using this blog to reach people? Am I telling my story truthfully and thoughtfully?
Isn't it strange sometimes how God can use our crappiest days to teach us? I literally lived out my post yesterday. My husband was there for me, only a phone call away. And he did ground me. He made me step back and realize that it wasn't the end of the world and it would be okay. And God was there for me too. Only a whisper away. And when I didn't turn to him in prayer, he found another way to reach me, through my hubby.
And what lessons did I learn?
- Slow down and breathe.
- Slow down and think, let yourself really think and feel your way through a post before you publish it.
- Slow down and pray
- Slow down and call your husband or a friend if you need to.
- Just slow down.