Yes, I know the NaBloPoMo police won't show up on my cyber doorstep to haul me away. It's okay to miss a day. I know this. But I also know I was really proud of getting all the way through November and I want to keep my "record" unbroken.
Maybe it's good therapy to write even when I don't want to. Maybe writing even though what I really want to do is crawl into bed and sleep (that's worry and depression talking) is a good thing. Maybe, just maybe there is someone out there in cyberspace who needs to know they aren't alone (I know I need to know that sometimes). Maybe there is even someone out there struggling with these same feelings who believes that their struggle is a reflection on their faith and relationship with God. I used to think that. I used to believe that depression was a sign of weakness in my faith. If I could only believe deeper, walk straighter, serve more fully, I wouldn't be depressed.
Can I just say, that's crap. Really, it is complete crap. We are human, not God. We have human emotions. And some of those emotions hurt. They drag us down into dark places. That doesn't mean we don't believe. It doesn't make us unworthy of God's love. It just makes us human.
Maybe someone out there needs to be reminded of that. Maybe that someone is me, since just typing those words has lifted my spirits some. It will be okay. Not today maybe, but it will be okay.
|I needed this. Do you?|