Yes, I know the NaBloPoMo police won't show up on my cyber doorstep to haul me away. It's okay to miss a day. I know this. But I also know I was really proud of getting all the way through November and I want to keep my "record" unbroken.
Maybe it's good therapy to write even when I don't want to. Maybe writing even though what I really want to do is crawl into bed and sleep (that's worry and depression talking) is a good thing. Maybe, just maybe there is someone out there in cyberspace who needs to know they aren't alone (I know I need to know that sometimes). Maybe there is even someone out there struggling with these same feelings who believes that their struggle is a reflection on their faith and relationship with God. I used to think that. I used to believe that depression was a sign of weakness in my faith. If I could only believe deeper, walk straighter, serve more fully, I wouldn't be depressed.
Can I just say, that's crap. Really, it is complete crap. We are human, not God. We have human emotions. And some of those emotions hurt. They drag us down into dark places. That doesn't mean we don't believe. It doesn't make us unworthy of God's love. It just makes us human.
Maybe someone out there needs to be reminded of that. Maybe that someone is me, since just typing those words has lifted my spirits some. It will be okay. Not today maybe, but it will be okay.
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| I needed this. Do you? |
Awesome message! You never know when you write a post who will read it and how it will effect them. A positive message like that can help someone. I find that some days I am better to others than I am to myself. I have days of sadness that come on for me when I am stressed. Weepy, etc. But I am finding that when I take time to just "be", and reflect, I feel better. I am glad you don't by into the "believe deeper, walk straighter" idea, as I heard that often when my hubby was ill, like if I was better he would be "cured". Nope, not God... Take care..Hope you have a good weekend.
ReplyDeleteI am terrible at taking time to "be". Something to work on. Thank you for always being an encourager for me. :)
DeleteI felt like skipping days so many times when I did November and December, but I made it (mostly on time) and the satisfaction gives you so much of a boost.
ReplyDeleteKeep going and you are not alone. I don't know why I decided to check twitter before I turn out the light but I am glad I did!
Hugs!!!!
Well, I am glad you did too! It helps to know I'm not alone!! We CAN DO THIS!
DeleteTamara,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I have not had words and have been so uninspired to write. I have been trying to figure out where I want to go with my blog, and all I know is daily posts 365 is not it. Your words helped.
Oh, you are welcome. I am glad to know that I am not the only one suffering from a lack of inspired thoughts! I look forward to reading your blog and look forward to seeing where 2013 takes you. :)
DeleteI feel the same. Everything that consumes my thoughts right now I do not want to share on my very public blog that family reads. No desire to write at all!
ReplyDeleteYes, exactly. Though in my case it isn't so much family (I don't think anyone besides my sweet hubby reads this) but I have coworkers and personal (RL) friends that stop by from time to time. Somethings are not for public sharing. It has taken me years to learn this lesson. :)
DeleteThat's why I cheat on NaNoBloMo by lining up guest bloggers all month :)
ReplyDeleteSomething to consider! I certainly enjoyed being one of your guests! :)
DeleteHi Tamara!
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this post! As others have already said, I can so relate. People need to know that depression does not mean a separation form God. Having a relationship with God does not guarantee that life will be easy, but He is your comfort when life is not easy. @Winnie those days when i'm better to others than i am to myself gives me strength. like a life line for that day. :-) does it feel that way to you too?
Hey Trinka! Thank you for stopping by and commenting. It helps to know others can relate to my thoughts. It makes the struggle to write worth it.
DeleteWe are who we are. Thankfully, God meets us where we are. He doesn't wait for us to get to where we "should be" before He will meet us.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I think He meets us in the most beautiful ways when we are going through the darkest times of our lives. Maybe we don't realize He was meeting us there until later when we look back and see that He was beside us, even carrying us, the whole time.
Blessings to you, Tamara.
Thank you Julie. Your words have touched my heart. He truly does carry us when we need it. And I have definitely been in need.
Deletegood post..I agree about NaBloPoMo, I quit when they got to the superhero part....stupid! As for depression, I have bouts with it too. It is not something to do with faith in God, except that we are not alone...which is so important. God cares always... As for forcing yourself to blog, well, join the crowd. I know I should, but like you, am not in the mood. I'm getting over the flu and trying to get life back in order in my home..who cares about the internet! :D Hang in there my new friend...you are being read. <3
ReplyDeleteDaisy, thank you. Just knowing that my words are being read and that I am making new friends along the way makes the tough times a little easier to work through. :)
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