Today I am not feeling very strong in my faith, or like a person of any substance. I had an anxiety attack yesterday when I left my doctors office after a routine appointment. I am not dying or anything so don't worry. I think I just reached my limit on personal strength. And so I broke. I was supposed to go back to work, but I drove straight home, took some medicine I keep around for these rare attacks and went to bed.
Why am I telling you this? Well, for one thing it helps. It helps to put it out there for anyone (or no one) to see. I am fragile. My life is built upon strength, but it isn't mine. Sometimes I forget that and I carry the load on my own shoulders. And it gets heavy. Fast. And sooner or later, I break under the strain.
I went through a period in my life when these attacks were almost a weekly (and sometimes daily) occurrence. At work we even have a short hand name for them "FAY". It comes from something I said to the group in the middle of one such melt down one day years ago. The "f" I will let you figure out, but rest is "all" & "y'all". Not my finest moment. But I survived and even found humor in the memory.....
Another reason I am sharing this is because I want anyone who reads this to realize that being saved and forgiven by God, being his child, lead by his spirit and word does not mean you don't have bad days. Just because I am broken now, doesn't mean I am not saved. I tripped and fell, I dropped the load I was carrying. A load I did not have to carry alone. And I will get back up, through God's love and grace. I don't really feel that way at this particular moment, but I KNOW it. Because God's word says it. "In quietness and trust is your strength" (Isaiah 30:15).
I am having a bad day today. But I believe that God is my strength and He will bring me through this. And he can do that for you as well.
And I am here if you need a friend....
You are so right.I do this to Tamara then I end up broken.I try to remember God has my life and worries in his hands but were only humans we are not perfect it's ok and God already knows were going to go through this we just have to reach down pull them boot strings a little tighter and keep on keeping on.It's another stepping stone we have overcome God is grinning from ear to ear saying good job my child.And Satan is frowning cause he knows he didn't win this one.I'm reading a book I'm Hoping and praying that Sunday I will be at church want to tell Pastor Lon and see if he can look over it and I will help if he could use this book in our Bible Study.I wont be there for all of it but can get copy of the notes.Just started this book and it is really helping me.Sorry I'm just rambling on very tired Harley isn't feeling to good had very little sleep last 2 days between mom and Harley.love u girl I think I'm gonna shut up and goto bed
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