Thought for the day

Wishing us all a day full of happiness, wonder, peace, and blessings.

singing a new song

**This is my first entry in what I hope will be a long series of posts to my "grandtoy", Becca. She is now 6 months old and starting to really get around. Her grandmother, Becky, was a dear friend of mine as well as being my husband's cousin. She died almost 15 years ago, but I know she watches over us and over Becca (who is named for her). I know there are so many things that Becky would have shared with little Becca if she had been given the chance. As her friend, I want to stand in for her, to make sure that Becca learns the really important stuff about life and her family. And since I know all too well that life is short and tricky, I wanted to write it all down "just in case". I also thought I might as well share them here. Who knows, someone else may find something of small value in these words. You never know, right? Anyway.....here we go!

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 Dear Becca,

I love to sing. I have for as long as I can remember. I took choir in school (with your Grandma Becky) instead of band (I think I may have been the only person in my class who never took a single year of band!) and even took private voice lessons for a while. But there was one problem, I have a powerful fear of being noticed, of standing out in the crowd.

I have lived my life as a wallflower. Always on the fringes, always looking for ways not to be noticed, because if you notice me, you might be a witness when I screw something up. And you very well might laugh at me and make me feel bad. Do you see the contradiction? Singing is all about drawing attention. It is loud and out there. It grabs your attention and says "look at me, hear my heart!". Hear my heart....no, I am pretty sure I don't want the world to hear some of the things I am hiding in there!

Over the course of my life singing went from a passion to something I did while driving down the road in the car or in an empty room. The only place I ever really let myself be heard was at church and that was from a pew way in the back!

It was that way for more years than I care to recall. But last year I felt God leading me to volunteer to help with my church's praise and worship group. I was nervous, but I found I could easily lose myself in the music. Over time, the nerves have almost completely vanished, leaving me feeling......free. For so many years I have hidden myself away, afraid to stand out, to be seen. Worrying about being foolish or making a mistake. That worry, that is the foolish thing. Life has too much to give for me to be hiding along the walls trying to go unnoticed! I want to be heard, I want to make a joyful noise (and noise it may well be!) and sing songs of praise and joy. I want the world and my Father in heaven to know my heart.

The lesson here, don't waste a lot of your energy on fear. If you want something, reach for it. Don't be afraid to fail. Everyone fails. It is part of the human experience and never something to be ashamed of. Rather, it is something to learn from, to grow from; failing can actually be a blessing, not a curse. It's all in how you handle it. This is a lesson that has taken me 42 years to learn and I sometimes have to be reminded of it daily. Take it from me precious girl, learn this lesson early and remind yourself often. Get it down in your spirit and let it take root. Failure is not to be feared and life is not to be lived on the sidelines!

Until next time and with all my love,

Tamara

More joy

All day yesterday I had one word on my mind, Joy. Choosing joy, that is what I did yesterday, and it worked! I made it through my day with a minimum of fuss and frustration. Mind you, I wasn't all over the top cheerful, but I did my best to keep a smile on my face and to pay attention to my surroundings.

For me, part of choosing joy is about connecting with the world around me, which is something I am not really good at. I tend to be an introvert, pulling into myself and disconnecting from my environment. Heck, I have lived in the same town for the last 30 years and I can't tell you any local gossip! Same with work, been there forever and I never know anything that is going on (which, truthfully, is usually for the best). But here's the thing about joy, you can't have it and not want to share it. If you have joy in your heart, it finds a way out. It wants to be shared!

All day long my mind kept drawing the connection between faithfulness and joy. Joy is an act of faith after all. It is our spirit saying that despite whatever we may face, we have confidence in our Savior and Father. We know that He will provide, that He is with us and will bring us through our trials. So today, once again I am choosing Joy. I choose joy because I do have faith, whatever this day holds God has already seen it and has arranged my way through it. Good day or bad, I am not alone in it. I have the master of all creation in my heart and by my side, how can I not be joyful??

Monday morning: choosing joy

Last night the belt on my dryer broke. Of course, this happened with a load of pants in the dryer and more clothes in the washer. Clothes that I really need to be dry so that I can be appropriately clothed for work. This is on top of the dishwasher that died last week. I have spent the last week re-discovering exactly how spoiled I am to the ease and luxury of putting dirty dishes in a machine and having them come out clean! I know that these are very "1st word" problems, but they are my problems and frankly pretty dang important to my daily life. But not, I am realizing, to my joy.

There is a song we sing in church from time to time that talks about bringing the "sacrifice of praise" to God. "We bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord. And we offer up to you the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and we offer up to you, the sacrifices of joy". Sacrifice of joy. Sometimes it really is a sacrifice, because in order to be joyful, I have to sacrifice my frustration, anger, or hurt. And there are times when all I want is to cling to those things with all my strength. To wallow, just a bit, in bitterness and frustration. "Why me???" I want to scream to the heavens. "Why does my life have to be so difficult all the time??"....

The truth is, my life is hard. Sometimes it is very unfair. Everyone's is. There is nothing unique in that. What makes each of our lives unique is how we choose to react to life. Today I am choosing joy.

It was only yesterday.....

Well, it seems like only yesterday that I was sitting outside a delivery room in small Texas hospital waiting for my best friend/cousin in-law's first child to be born. Has it really been 22 years? And did said child just tell me last week that she is pregnant?? It can't be so.

But it is so. It really is. wow.

I am terrified. And thrilled. And feeling kind of old. And grateful to be feeling all the above. Because her momma, my best friend and cousin in-law, passed away in 1999. I believe in heaven, and I believe she is there, watching over both her girls and is super proud and excited to be a grandma. But she isn't here. Is it wrong that this makes me grateful that I am? I hope not. I am so grateful to have the chance to be a part of the next generation, to watch another piece of our family grow. And the best part, I get to be an honorary grandma. I think my friend would like that. (One day I am going to tell you about her, just not today)

It was only yesterday that I fell in love with a beautiful baby girl. How can it be that she is all grown up and about to embark on parenthood herself?

Today's life lesson: Time flies, it flies whether you are having fun or not. One minute you are cuddling a baby, the next she is all grown up and telling you (via text!) that she is having a baby of her own. Time flies, folks. So we might as well have some fun.

Me and said child in 1991

and us in 2012, where did the time go??

early Monday morning thoughts and prayer

It's 5:15 am and I am in front of the computer. Why? Because it's quiet in the house at this hour. Quiet is sometimes hard to find around here. We don't have kids, so I can't blame them. See, our house is small, and our computer literally sits next to the TV. Right next to it. And if my husband is conscious, the TV is on. Even if he isn't really watching it.

I don't do this. If I have something I want to watch, I sit down and watch it. Otherwise the TV is off because it is way too distracting. I have a one track mind, and the bright moving pictures and babble are compelling, even if I am not interested in what is being said.

Another reason I am up early to write is guilt. I have been spending a lot of time on this computer writing lately. And I feel guilty. James spends all day here alone, then I come home and sit down at the computer and try to focus. This means ignoring him.

If you don't know us you may be wondering why James spends all day alone. What about a job? Doesn't he see people when he goes to work? There is a story there, and I want to tell it. But not today. I don't have that much time this morning. That's definitely a weekend post. Or 2. Plus, I want his permission since it's his story. The short answer is that his job is managing my mom's storage rental business and taking care of her property. And this job doesn't really involve a paycheck, per say. Another story. I promise to write it soon. And get permission to share.

Anyway, I am up early and my husband is heavy on my mind at heart. He did the sweetest thing when he came to bed this morning. Yes, this morning. He doesn't sleep much. This may not have been his first trip to bed, I could have slept through 15 attempts at sleep. I sleep hard, he barely sleeps. Anyway....this time when he crawled into bed he reached out and placed his hand on my arm and prayed for me. Not out loud. But after 20 years of marriage, I know his prayer when I feel it. And right now I feel covered in grace. And love. That's a pretty great way to start a Monday.

Lord, be with James today. Pour blessings and mercy over his heart and soul. Draw him close to your side and protect him from harm. Thank you, Father, for bringing this man in to my life, for making him my helpmate, lover, and friend. I would also ask a special blessing on all who come visit here today and read these words. Meet whatever needs they have buried in their hearts, bless their families and all the work of their hands. Thank you for the potential for a beautiful, busy day. Thank you for loving us all. Amen

My helper this morning. Silly girl. :)

Sunday thoughts and some pictures

Last Sunday I started something that I would really like to see become a habit. I am going to call it "Sunday thoughts". Basically this is going to be a wrap up of the previous weeks inspiration. Pictures, quotes, other blogs, anything I saw that inspired me, made me think, laugh, smile, or cry I want to share with you. I hope this is a habit I can stick to and that it will be a blessing to you.

I found 2 blog posts today that really touched my heart. The first is written by Trinka Polite and is titled Breathe...
 I hope you will click the link and read the whole thing, but I want to share my favorite line:

My other grandmother told me that’s how I came to be. 
God took my body and in it He breathed.   
So when you inhale and exhale notice your breath 
and realize God is dwelling in your chest.

God is dwelling in my chest. The gift of life is so precious and is something I tend to take for granted. I really want to remember to just slow down and breath.

The second blog I wanted to share is written by Ashley McKenney and is titled Come Away with Me (as NJ says) 

Please click the link. This blog is full of some really beautiful images. And Ashley has some really good insight into finding balance between being a parent and being a person. I think a lot of my "mommy" and "daddy" friends will appreciate her words.
  

Now, can I share with you some pictures from my phone?
Of course I can, cause it's my blog!

 Yesterday we were out at my mom's place and while my hubby worked, I wandered around taking pictures. I do this a lot and my mom just shakes her head at me. She doesn't get it. :-)
I love this place. I was raised here and one day I want to move back, if my stubborn parent will permit it. 
I love this image, the contrast of colors just speaks to my heart. God made this simple thing and created it with so much care and beauty. It blesses me.

This is my sweet husband mowing on the tractor. He really got a lot more than he bargained for when he fell in love with me, because I am a complete momma's girl. He will never escape my never ending drive to be there for mom. And he takes it in stride. Sometimes I think he loves her more than I do. He is a great helpmate and son in law. 

I saved this screen shot of a text message between me and my hubby a while back. It makes me smile every time I stumble across it. He really gets me. Route 44 Sonic drinks are a great weakness of mine, I can't pass one without wanting to stop. He gets that. He gets me. How awesome is that? 

 This is one of my many fur babies, Tom-Tom.
Isn't he beautiful? 

Here are a few quotes I picked up around the web this week:

 "I start in the middle of a sentence and move both directions at once." -John Coltrane 

"People who make you laugh are the best people in the world" -Emma White

 "In war, there are no unwounded soldiers" -Jose Narosky

"If we learn to be amazed at what God has done and is doing in our lives, we will never be without hope" -Joyce Meyer

and my favorite this week:

"Follow me and I will make you fishers of the human soul" -Jesus Christ

(from "The Book of God" which is the Bible written as a novel. I love this spin on the traditional "fishers of men")

The last thing I want to share I got from a Facebook friend. I won't use her name here, to protect her privacy. But I just had to share her thoughts with you. If you are a "facebooker" you know that during the month of November a lot of folks try to post a daily thankfulness thought. I saw tons today about being grateful for our Veterans (it's Veterans Day today) and that is wonderful. We should all always be grateful for those who put their lives on the line for our freedom. But my friend had something a little different to say:

 

DAY 11: I guess I could take the easy way out and say I am thankful for our vets and I am but instead I want to say today I am thankful for all the people who love them and are left behind to worry about them...I am thankful for the ones they come home to ... more times than not the vet that comes home is not the same person that left.. these people have to stay strong and learn to love all over again sometimes a whole new person..so thank you family and loved ones you are also my heroes

(beautiful!!)

okay, that's it for this Sunday. I hope that something here has blessed you, inspired you, made you think, or just made you smile. God bless!

Restore my joy

It was a long weekend. Well, really it was a long week. Jury duty on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday; 2 doctor's appts on Thursday followed up with an anxiety attack that left me wiped out the rest of that day and the next. Then Friday evening my husband cut his thumb on his table saw and off we went to the ER. 11 stitches for that. And we learned something, thumbs have the potential for great pain!

This morning when I got up for work I really struggled with feelings of anxiety and fear about leaving the house. Silly really, but I have had this same struggle often through the years. After an anxiety attack I have trouble finding my footing in the world. On days like this I truly believe the only thing that gets me out the door is the greater fear of losing my job.

So, off I go out into the world to face the day, ready or not. Lately I have developed the habit of cruising through cyberspace in my free time looking for inspiration to lift me up. Today I found 2 things that leaped out at me. The first was on Joyce Meyers Facebook page. She had this to say: "The sooner we learn that feelings are fickle, the better off we are. " No kidding.

The second is Psalm 51:12 "Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit."

Yeah, I think that is my prayer for today.

Restore my joy, Father. Help me to overcome my fickle feelings and live the abundant life that your salvation provides. Amen