I have a problem

They say the first step to conquering your weaknesses is to admit you have a problem. Well folks, I have a problem. Currently my problem is sitting on top of my computer cabinet, looking all festive and happy, kind of like this:

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Yes, my problem is a gift! Specifically it is a gift for me, for my birthday. A birthday that is still 11 days away. My sweet hubby is torturing me with this wrapped present. He knows how much I hate to wait, how a wrapped gift just calls to me, begging to be opened (I can hear it calling me now!).

This shouldn't be a problem right? I am a grown up girl, I can open my gift whenever I want to. One little stumbling block to that notion, I also have a thing about having something to open on my birthday. So, one gift.....if I open it now then I get to have whatever is inside. BUT I won't have anything to open on my actual birthday (which by the way, better include cake!).

I am like this at Christmas too. And he takes full advantage of it, wrapping presents weeks in advance and placing them under our little tree. Then he points them out to me, talking about all the possibilities endlessly. And it doesn't stop there. I try to hold off on bringing his gifts into the house because I know the moment I do I will want to give them to him. (I really can't stand an unopened gift!) So he bugs me until I bring his gifts home and place them under the tree. Then the real fun begins (for him) because as I have said, I hate an unopened gift. So, everyday I ask "can we open one?" and everyday he tells me "No, wait one more day" or "if we do, we won't have anything to open for Christmas, it's up to you." Sneaky, conniving man!  It's torture, I tell you!!

My current method of battle is to try to ignore the thing, but that really isn't working very well. I wonder, is there a support group out there somewhere for people like me???

__________________________

This post was written in response to the GBE2 writing prompt "First Steps". I hope you enjoyed my little rant about my very "first world" problem. I do in fact realize how blessed I am to have a husband who saves the money to buy me a gift, wraps it (how many guys take the time for that?), and even knows me well enough to have some fun with it! In truth, as long as I have him I have everything I need (though I still want the gift!). :)

My love of Television

So, this week's writing prompt for GBE2 is Television. Now, this is a subject I can get into! I love TV! I can lose myself for hours and hours in shows like "Doctor Who", "Falling Skies", and "Castle" (which you may recall I write weekly reviews of for Fanbolt). Basically I love stories that are mysterious and/or fantastical. I am not really a fan of "reality" shows, though I have been known to watch a few with my hubby.

In our home we have 2 TVs, a large one in the living room which is considered "his" and a smaller one in our bedroom that is "hers". Mostly "Hers" is used for watching shows that only I like, while "His" is used for lots and lots of stuff that only mildly interests me as well as the handful of shows we both enjoy (Defiance is one of our current favorites). I use my DVR to record all "my" shows. I don't think I have watched a single one of them "live" since we got the DVR.

I have to admit, I worry sometimes that TV has too big a hold on my life. It is such an easy thing for me to lose myself in the other worlds represented there. To let myself get sucked into all the imagination and mystery. I hear stories from time to time about families who have cut TV from their lives all together and I wonder if I could do that. I mean, my mom hasn't turned on her TV in probably 2 years and she doesn't miss it at all. Just the thought makes me cringe though. Oh, I know I would survive if TV went away. But I don't think I could ever be the one to make the decision to turn it off and walk away forever. What does that say about me? Nothing good I am sure.

See, I worry. But not enough to just walk away from all the stories available to me at the push of a button. Call me weak. I will admit to that.

What about you? Do you watch Television? If you do, what type of shows do you enjoy and how do you balance your TV time with the rest of your day?

GBE2 prompt: Gusto

Yeah, this has not been my week for Gusto. I haven't even posted here since Monday. I won't say I have writer's block. I would call it writer's blah. Every time I even think about writing all the energy just drains away and I have nothing worthwhile to say. But this morning I had to write. I had to do my Thursday Thankfulness post. I suppose I could have skipped it, but I hate to start down that road. You miss one week, then 2, and before you know it you aren't posting at all. And those gratitude posts really help me. It helps to stop and focus, to look around at my life and really consider what I have been blessed with.

So, I wrote my post. You can see it here. And you know what? I feel a bit better for it. I won't say I am full of Gusto, but I am a bit more alive. A bit more aware. And a bit more engaged. Not so blah.

God is good. He has given me this new day full of new blessings and challenges. And he has given me all the tools I will need to face them. Sometimes I forget that. Thank God that he is much more faithful than I am. One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 29:11.

 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God has plans for me and for you. He has hope and a future for us. To me that says he will bring me through the bad days and even the plain old blah days, which in a lot of ways are more detrimental because they eat away at your strength slowly. Those blah days have a way of creeping up on you and overtaking your heart before you even know what happened.  

That perfectly describes my week. The blah was crept in and drained my gusto. Well, no more!! God has reminded me today that he has bigger plans for me! 

Huh. This post went completely in a new direction. I wasn't headed here. I wasn't planning on talking myself into a better mood. Wasn't planning on clearing away the cobwebs and feeling so revived and energized. Funny how God works sometimes, isn't it?

I hope you have a great Thursday. Make the most of it, after all; it is a gift from the Father. And gifts are meant to be enjoyed. God Bless! 

I needed this reminder. Maybe you do too?

NaBloPoMo asks about dreaming

NaBloPoMo writing prompt for today:
If you could be given the option to never sleep and also never be tired, would you take it if it meant you'd also never dream again?

Why does everyone keep asking me about dreams????

Okay, I know we aren't talking about my dreams for the future here, but still. It seems that every time I turn around I am reading something about dreams. Yes, I know. Someone is trying to get my attention on the subject. But frankly it scares me. I'm not ready yet. I actually have a draft of a dream post. Which is to say I have a title and a blank screen where the text goes. But it's a start, right??

Anyway, let's answer the question above for now and worry about my future dreams later (I promise, I will work on that post). If I could give up sleep and never be tired, would I do it and lose the ability to dream? Well, I think the answer is no. First of all, give up sleep?? It's my favorite past time! :)

Seriously though, no I wouldn't. I think sleep and dreaming are essential parts of what is is to be human. Think about the incredible things your brain comes up with when you leave it alone to do it's thing. Some are scarey, some are crazy, some are sad. Some are silly and happy, & some you can't even remember. But all are original and uniquely yours. Why would I give that up?

 This week's writing prompt for GBE2 is "Oh No, Not Again" and I think it ties in well, since that was my first thought when I read the dreaming question. Dreams just keep coming up, and I know that God is telling me it's time to deal with them. And writing about them will help me to clarify what it is I am so afraid of. Why does just thinking about the future make me reach for my anxiety meds? I will write that post, I will work it through and face my fears. Just not this morning! :)

random quote I love!

NaBloPoMo, January 2013, I've decided....

Well, I have decided to tackle NaBloPoMo for the month of January. It seems right, heading into the new year. And this time I am planning on trying to follow the writing prompts. Note I said **Try**
To that end I have copied and pasted the prompts here. I hope it will motivate me and keep me honest. :)

Tuesday, January 1, 2013
From where do you draw your energy?
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Which daily tasks take up the most of your energy?
Thursday, January 3, 2013
What is your favorite way to recharge when you feel drained of energy?
Friday, January 4, 2013
At what time of day do you feel the most energetic and productive?
Monday, January 7, 2013
What is your favorite song that gives you energy?
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
If you could be given the option to never sleep and also never be tired, would you take it if it meant you'd also never dream again?
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Talk about a time when you used up an extraordinary amount of energy and were exhausted.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
What blogging task takes up a lot of your energy?
Friday, January 11, 2013
How do you find the energy to write when you're not in the mood?
Monday, January 14, 2013
If you were a superhero, what would be your hidden superpower?
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
As a superhero, would you rather have extreme strength or extreme speed?
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
If you were a superhero, what would be your kryptonite, draining your energy?
Thursday, January 17, 2013
How would you start saving the world if you woke up tomorrow with superhuman powers?
Friday, January 18, 2013
What would be your superhero name and why?
Monday, January 21, 2013
What is your biggest concern about the future of the environment?
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Come up with a creative plan (and no, it doesn't have to be realistic and scientifically-based -- toddler on a hamster wheel, anyone?) to create energy once we use up our fossil fuels.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
What is the most creative way you conserve energy in your home?
Thursday, January 24, 2013
What is your favorite thing to do when you lose energy in your home and can't use electronics?
Friday, January 25, 2013
How long do you think you could last in a power outage?
Monday, January 28, 2013
What emotion do you think is the biggest waste of energy and why?
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
What reoccurring thought uses up a lot of your mental energy?
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Benjamin Franklin said, "Energy and persistence conquer all things." Do you agree or disagree?
Thursday, January 31, 2013
What will you do to energize yourself for 2013?

In related news, this week's GBE2 writing prompt is "Decision". So, really I guess I have killed 2 birds with one stone here. HA! Life is good! ;-)

One last thing, yesterday I blogged about my (Karen Walrond's) "Snail Mail" idea. If you missed it, you can read about it here. I got a lot of hits on that post, but no one signed up for the mail! I am bummed, but not completely discouraged, yet. So here is the link to the form:

Please fill out this form, please

I would love to have someone to send a card to in 2013, so I hope you will fill out the form! (I bet Karen's form filled up in minutes, darn her for being so popular!)

Have a great day, thanks for stopping by!

My first car

Image source

My first car was a 1964 Ford Galaxy. This was in 1988, so it wasn't exactly a new car. I do remember being very proud of it though. My parents got me a loan at the bank and I had to pay the note every month. It was less than $100 a month, which I now realize must have been because my (step) Dad made it so. He had a way about him in banks. He always got what he wanted. :-)

Paying that note was a great learning experience for me. I highly recommend it. It gave me a sense of pride to work and pay for my own ride. I valued it more than if it had just been a gift. The car I earned, the experience of paying for it myself was the gift.

Another thing I remember, this old car did not have power steering. Talk about a workout for my arms! Hmm, maybe I need a car like that now.....

It also had only an A.M. radio that basically picked up nothing. So I kept a cassette player in the car for music. It looked a lot like this:

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I kept it under the front seat. Don't ask me why. One night, as I was driving home down a dirt road, an armadillo ran in front of my car. He looked like this:

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Only not that cute. He looked BIG. And I hit him with the car. I knew it was going to happen and I hit the brakes, hard. And just as he made a sicking thump under my car, that dang cassette player slid out from under my seat and hit my feet. For a full minute I just KNEW he was in the car with me! I screamed a very unladylike scream. Then I sat and waited for my heart to start beating again. Then I laughed hysterically...for at least 3 minutes.

I never forgot that night, or that car. I eventually moved on to a "newer" used car, but I have never forgotten the joy (and fear) of my 1st.

**this post was written for the Group Blogging Experience. I have really enjoyed the challenge it presents to write about all kinds of topics. I highly recommend it for anyone who blogs, is looking for a challenge, and is sometimes at a loss for a topic!

GBE2 picture prompt....and the green eyed monster

Not my "dream" kitchen, but close enough.

This is NOT my kitchen. Not even close.This is the picture prompt for GBE2 (Group Blogging Experience) for this week. My task, should I choose to accept it, is to write whatever I want to about this picture. Now, I can't say I want to to write about this, but I will because it's stuck in my head, screaming to get out. Envy. It's what I feel when I see this picture.

Webster's defines Envy as a painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage. Yep, I think that covers it. That's my knee jerk response to this picture.

I do not like this. Envy is not an emotional state that I allow to live in my heart. I am not rich, but there are people with a lot less than I have. I know this. I have friends who have been blessed with all manner of material wealth and I am thrilled for them. As a childless middle aged woman, I could waste a lot of time feeling envy while listening to my friends and coworkers talk about the latest thing their kids are into. Or I can choose to feel joy for them. I choose joy. 

So, why do I feel envy when I look at this kitchen? 

• First of all, it has drawers. See them? Over in the far corner. 2 drawers. Which is 2 more than my kitchen came with. Seriously. Whoever built this trailer in the 1980's didn't think that drawers would be of value in a kitchen. For that matter, there are not any in the bathrooms either, but that's another story. 
• Second, look at all that counter space! This is something else the designers of my kitchen saw no need for. They obviously knew I am not a fan of cooking, right? 
• It's so clean. I mean, there is no junk piled anywhere. 
• Look at that fridge.....
• And the window...
• and the floor....

Okay! Enough of that! I think it is safe to say that I am painfully aware of this kitchen and all its glory. I want this kitchen, or one like it. Bad. I could show you my kitchen, but that would just make me feel sad and discouraged, and I have enough to deal with, with all this envy floating around. 

I hope you can read the sarcastic, self deprecating humor here. Because while I do feel a fleeting moment of envy when I look at this picture, it's not all I feel. That moment of envy quickly turns to thankfulness when I realize how blessed I really am. Okay, not in the kitchen department maybe, but in a million other ways. 

• I have a husband I adore who adores me (most of the time)
• I have a house full of fur babies who will never need to borrow the car or bail money
• I have my mom living within 15 miles of my home, alive and well
• I have my dad, all be it states away in West Virginia, but also alive and well
• I have friends and family who love me
• I have you

I may not have a beautiful home, a new car, or a big bank account. But I am blessed. God is good and he has taken excellent care of me. He is good, all the time. And because of that, because of Him and all He has given me, I can say good bye to envy and move on into my day with a joyful heart. And a renewed desire to renovate my kitchen. :-)

Important numbers

Okay, today I am attempting to tackle the writing prompt "Numbers" from GBE2 (Group Blogging Experience 2).

At first I thought I might share with you how much I dislike math, how I struggled with it in school. How anything more that the simplest addition or subtraction requires a pen and paper at the very least, and another person with a calculator if I can swing it. But after more thought I decided I would tell you about the numbers that are important to me. Not my bank balance or my years to retirement mind you, because the 1st one is depressing and I don't think the 2nd one will ever happen. But the really important numbers. The ones that shape who I am.

I was 13 years old when I got saved and baptized.
I was 11 years old and in the 6th grade when I met my husband. I had just started a new school in a new town. I will never forget those beautiful brown eyes and quick smile. He was such a charmer!
I was 20 when we married.
0 is for the number of children we have. This number used to make me sad, but I am at peace with it now.
I have 4 parents. Both my step mom and step dad have passed away now, but they are still mine. Forever and always.
I have 2 beautiful younger sisters on my dad's side.
I have 0 siblings on my mom's. This means it's all on me, which is really scary sometimes.
I have 4 nieces and 4 nephews who I don't see as often as I like.
I have 2 cousins by marriage that I tend to think of as nieces. They are the daughters of my best friend growing up, who just happened to be my husband's cousin. She was 28 when she was killed in a car accident. Her death forever changed me in ways I could have never imagined.
16 is for the number of years I have been with my current employer. I will likely be there until I die or they throw me out.
I have 3 aunts, my dad has 1 sister and my mom has 2.
I have 3 cousins on my dad's side and 3 on my mom's. I am not close to any of them though. I envy people who have close contact and strong friendships with their cousins.
0 is for the number of living grandparents. My maternal grandmother passed away earlier this year. This number makes me sad.
924 is the number of page views this blog has had since I started it in late August. I tell myself this number doesn't matter, but it really does. Why write a blog if you aren't looking to share it with the world??

Okay, that's it. The numbers of greatest importance to me. The ones that most shape the person I am, that have the greatest impact on who I want to be.

So, if you stuck with me to the end, how about sharing some of your important numbers with me? :)