She WON!

I have been trying to write this post in my head since I heard the news. My friend and coworker Lisa is gone. She passed away peacefully at home Friday morning, after a long struggle with cancer. I am sad, so sad for the loss of her beautiful light in this world. For her husband and sons, for her mother, and for all her friends and extended family. I am sad for the future lost. But I am also happy. Happy that she is free from cancer, free from pain, and wrapped securely in the loving arms of God.

My first really clear memory of Lisa is from several years ago. She had been working with us in the pharmacy for a while and we ended up on a road trip together. Actually, there were 5 of us crammed in a car meant to seat only 4, and I was the front seat passenger due to my tendency toward motion-sickness. I was also the lowest ranking person in that car. A lowly tech on a road trip with the pharmacy director, 2 assistant directors, and a pharmacist (Lisa), and 3 of those folks were crammed in the back seat because of me. Talk about a fish out of water! I am not sure I ever felt more out of place and unsure of myself in my life. Somehow we all survived the day relatively unscathed and the following day Lisa hands me this card. In it she had written a long note praising my work on the trip and encouraging me. It was such a great feeling, being appreciated like that. She made me feel special. She made me feel like my contribution to the trip had been important and not the imposition I am sure it was to many in that car. I am sure she never realized the impact she made on me that day.

And thus began our friendship. Much of the time it was very one-sided. Lisa was the type of person who gave of herself to everyone in her orbit but never asked for anything for herself. A strong woman of faith, she placed all her cares and worries with God. She very rarely asked anything of anyone but was always more than willing to give. There was not a task beneath her if it meant being of service to someone else. Even when facing the trials of cancer treatment, she was always seeking to serve others, to focus on their needs and concerns.

A little over a year ago I felt God leading me to re-start the prayer group at work. It had been done twice before, but after a few months it had fizzled and died from lack of involvement. I wanted to revive it and maintain it (with the blessing of management-have I mentioned I work in a wonderful place with wonderful people??). So, I sent out emails to several people that I knew had been involved before and of course, Lisa was the first to respond with "I'm in!". And she was 110%. She attending meetings and sent in requests for others, but almost never for herself. she would ask for prayer for her family, her doctor and medical team, for her friends and coworkers, but I would have to push to get her to ask for anything for herself.

A few months ago, when she learned that the chemo was no longer working she sent in a prayer request that was typical Lisa; it was a request for everyone else in her life. It stuck with me because it so clearly illustrates her heart. It was titled "me me me me", but it was anything but selfish. She explained what was happening and then asked for prayer for her husband and family to have "understanding-lean on God-joy for the end result (I win!)" and for her doctor "May God lift her up, hold her tight, and re-affirm He has her where she is best used for His Kingdom". In closing she said "I pray that what I am going through will have a positive impact on God's world and that each of you will come to know Christ as your personal savior, or become stronger in the faith. May my illness have that impact on this little corner of the world!!". Typical Lisa, loving God and his people first.


Lisa never knew it, but she is one of my mentor's in my walk of faith. Her life exemplified what it means to be a follower of Christ. I will spend the rest of my days learning from her example. Her light and love will not ever be forgotten by those of us fortunate enough to have spent time in her presence. 

I love you my friend, thank you for everything. You definitely won! :)

Happy Birthday Becky

taken in 1999 at our class reunion, the last time I saw you.

Today would have been your 42nd birthday. Lord, I miss you. I can't believe it's been almost 12 years since you left us. I still remember the phone call we received the night you died. We had just returned from a birthday dinner (for me) with some friends. When I listened to the answering machine and heard Daryl's voice, I knew something was wrong. I called him and after he gave me the news I told him that he would have to tell James. I couldn't do it. You were my friend, but you were his family. And honestly, I wouldn't have been coherent. I laid in his lap and cried and cried. The poor man couldn't really grieve for you himself, he was so overwhelmed by my tears.

The next day I went to the house to see Daryl and the girls. I will never forget little Laurie (only 5 years old) telling me "My mommy died". All I could say was "I know baby" and sit on the couch cuddling her and Ashley and watching a movie or cartoon with them. It broke my heart all over again, but I think I was past the tears (for the moment).

James and I went to see the accident sight that evening and found your Dad and Cindy there (with Finley, I think) all I remember is looking at the spot and thinking how senseless it was. One moment of inattention and your life was over. Later I went with your aunt to see the car. I will never forget that. I am grateful that James wasn't with me, that is a memory no one really needs.

Oh, I miss you so much. I think of you almost daily. Your beautiful smile, your laugh, your unfailing love for your family and friends. So many times over the years I have wanted to talk to you, to gain your insight into my precious husband who was like a brother to you. I want you to be here, to see your girls and the incredible women they have grown into. Ashley is gonna have a baby, a little girl. Her name is Rebecca Leigh. I love it, but I hope they won't want me to call her Becky. I'm not sure I can. (And look at me, borrowing worries from the future!) Laurie is in college. Where did the time go?? Your girls are wonderful, Daryl really did a great job raising them. I know you are proud of them all.

Life has moved on, as it does. We have learned to live without you in our days. But we carry you forever in our hearts. You are so deeply loved and missed.

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To my reader,

I'm sorry if this post confused you. You probably have no idea who Becky was or why she was important to me (unless you know me in real life). Becky was my husband's cousin and also my best friend growing up. She was killed in a car accident in 1999 and her death effected me so deeply. Even more so than the deaths of my step dad (who I wrote about this week) and my grandmother (who I write about often). I attribute this to the fact that we were the same age, and because we were family I just assumed that she would always be here. Sort of an extension of my marriage, the 3 of us would grow old together. She wasn't supposed to leave me. Which is an unfair and totally selfish statement since she left behind her 2 girls, who lost so much more than I did. 

Anyway, this week is always a tough one for me, with dad's birthday and Becky's basically back to back. But the week is done now and I am using this post as a way of wrapping it up and moving on. For a while anyway. 

If you made it all the way to the end here, do me a favor. Leave a comment for me and then go hug someone you love. Call a friend you haven't seen in a while. Make some dinner plans. Don't waste a single second. Make sure the people who matter know it. Do it now.